60-minutes that will change the way you think about dating and relationships!

Hey, single ladies…

Are you ready to be in a relationship? A really good relationship? Are you wondering where all the “good ones” are and how you can find the kind of love you’ve always wanted? Then join Reid Mihalko of ReidAboutSex.com and Marcia Baczynski for Ready to Be in a Relationship: Successful Dating and Partnership for Single Women!

Reid and Marcia will discuss the five most common obstacles single women face in finding great relationships, and some simple steps you can take to increase your odds of getting the love you want. Find out where the good ones are hiding, what to do when you’re not getting clear signals of interest, and the three ways women sabotage their chances at successful partnership (and what to do about it).

If you’ve never heard these two present together, you’re in for a real treat. As friends, collaborators and colleagues for over six years, Reid and Marcia have developed dozens of workshops (including the world-famous Cuddle Party) and are joining forces again for this rare joint appearance. Their easy rapport, hilarious approach and commitment to delivering valuable content makes them one of the best duos in the world of relationship education.

Could it be any better? We think so… that’s why this teleclass is 100% f-r-e-e.

WHEN: Tues Apr 27th at 8pm EDT / 5pm PTD
WHERE: The comfort and privacy of your own home, car, or office. Just dial-in!

Can’t make the call? No problemo. Everyone who registers will receive a download link for the call recording.

Don’t wait! Register NOW for this hour-long tele-seminar that will change everything you know about dating.

ABOUT MARCIA: Marcia Baczynski is the head relationship coach at Ideal Balance Inc, a lifestyle coaching company for professional and entrepreneurial women.

A graduate of the University of Georgia and San Francisco Sex Information, Marcia is also well-known for being co-creator of Cuddle Party, a workshop/social event about boundaries, communication, intimacy and touch. Started in 2004, Cuddle Party events have spread globally, with over 50 facilitators in five countries. Marcia has made appearances on the Montel Williams show, People magazine, Fox News, Penn & Teller’s Bullsh*t, NPR, GQ, Marie Claire and Newsweek. She splits her time between San Francisco and New York.

Marcia can be reached at 1-800-208-0913 and marcia (at) idealbalanceinc (dot) com

Reid Mihalko: Reid Mihalko of www.ReidAboutSex.com helps adults create more self-esteem, self-confidence and greater health in their relationships and sex lives, no matter what their self-expression of those happen to be.

From his rated-PG/PG-13 workshops (Cuddle Party, Speed-Flirting) to the rated-R (Iron Slut Sex Educator Showdown) to his explicit, NC-17 rated, Show-N-Tell sex education workshops (where audiences get to watch, take notes, and ask questions), Reid has worked with thousands of individuals from myriad walks of life, orientations, relationship styles, countries and religions. Known for his charisma, wit and emphasis on integrity, Reid travels the country teaching, coaching, consulting and collaborating on fulfilling his mission: Create more self-esteem, self-confidence and health adults in and out of the bedroom.

Reid has been a featured speaker at dozens of conferences on relationships and sexuality and is a sought-after presenter and teacher at colleges and sex positive stores across the country.

Reid has been a writer and producer on a number of films and television projects about sex and relationships, and appears regularly in the media. He has also appeared on the Emmy award-winning talk show Montel, Fox News, VH1’s Scott Baio is 45 and Single, Showtime’s Penn & Teller’s Bulls**t!, Canada’s The Sex Files and SexTV, and the short-lived Life & Style, on NPR, Sirius’ Maxim Radio and Cosmo Radio, and in Marie Claire, GQ, Details, People, Newsweek and The National Enquirer, as well as media across the globe in thirteen countries and at least seven languages.

Love is in the air…

This month’s article:

Romance is for the Cats and Dogs

by Reid Mihalko

Romance makes things better.

It’s true. Even if you hate Hollywood romance films, heart-covered Hallmark cards, chocolate roses, and want to kick Cupid in the shin, no matter how much you hate Valentine’s Day, long walks on beaches, or eye-gazing, it’s hard to argue that the warm fuzzies we get when someone strikes our romance chords are bad.

In fact, that sweet, gooey release of the romantic “feel-goods” is great for your health, both body and mind.

You might be surprised to know, that most of what makes romance feel so darn good is chemical. I’m not talking about the chemistry of a shared bottle of Two-Buck Chuck wine. I’m referring to the release of immune system bolstering, social bond-reinforcing, stress reducing hormones.

These all-natural, body-produced hormonal cocktails are the exact same stuff that puts the “mad” into “madly in love,” and by mad I mean “crazy.” The brain-chemistry of love, by the way, has been extensively researched and continues to be. It’s fascinating stuff. And while you might hate it when your best friend falls head-over-heels for Mr. or Ms. So-and-so causing them to forget all about you, there are many health benefits from all these hormones swirling around in your body and brain. With romance, it’s much of the same chemistry, just in smaller doses. Think of it as Love Potion #9 Lite: Tastes great, less crazy making! And for those of us already in love, or in relationships that have outlasted their honeymoon periods, romance is a great way of delivering an extra (sometimes much needed) shot or two of the warm fuzzies.

Photo Illustration by Ann Cutting for Time Magazine

Romantic interludes and thoughtful acts can trigger the release of feel-good hormones which are outstanding for our physical and mental health. An intimate cuddle on the couch or a shared bit of dark chocolate after a romantic dinner can seduce the body into releasing hormones like oxytocin (the cuddle hormone) and phenylethylamine (released by the brain during orgasm and also found in chocolate). These hormones lower blood pressure, improve immune system performance, and inhibit the release of stress inducing hormones while also psychologically promoting a deeper sense of trust, and feelings of being understood and appreciated. These physiological and psychological effects can be a huge help after a hard day at work trying to meet a deadline, a rough day tending to sick children, dealing with financial difficulties and economic pressures, etc., etc. Romance can leave us feeling less alone in the world, more relaxed and calm, and feeling better about ourselves. In short, a little romance can go a looooong way towards getting us through a cold winter. (Or any season for that matter!)

The trouble with tradition…

Unfortunately, for many of us, the cultural stereotypes for what is romantic and acceptable aren’t always clear nor do they always work. It seems, that even when it comes to romance, everyone is unique and what worked on your ex doesn’t always leave your current partner feeling loved and cherished. Then there’s the fact that Hollywood seems pretty stuck on romance being a guy/girl thang that has the chocolate-covered strawberries rolling in only one direction: man to woman.

What about romancing the dude? And what if you’re allergic to strawberries?

The fact that America’s romantic traditions and symbols are so very gendered and unidirectional can be a big pain in the ass. If the traditional go-tos like roses and a card don’t get you all gushy, your partner might soon run out of other ideas and give up. Worse, you or they could be thinking you’re doing “romantic” things with the most earnest of intentions, doing a great job, but continually missing the mark and leaving those you care about starving. And attempting to sweet-talk the non-traditional gender seems so laughable by our cultural standards that  women romancing men and men romancing men are the things of sit coms and Comedy Central sketches about prison.  Bubba, you made me a shiv? How romantic… While occasionally funny and usually at least a tad insensitive, the cultural message is bleak: Do not waste your time romancing men ’cause it doesn’t work.

These traditions are just a partial list, hints and clues, really. And romance, like Angelina Jolie, goes both ways.

A diamond ring is not inherently romantic, and even the most stoic of men can have a soft-spot. And while we can argue that dark chocolate might be romantic on account of the phenylethylamine, or that Dick Cheney would never be caught dead taking a long walk on the beach, the point is that almost anything can be made to be romantic and anyone can be romanced, if you know how romance occurs for the other person.

And, for the record, men are actually quite easy to romance!

Romance is actually all about cats and dogs.

In my Romance for the Rest of Us workshop, and in my personal couples and one-on-one coaching, I get the great honor of making the fine art of romance easy!

Making romance easy, surprisingly enough, has very little to do with being a man or a woman, or being single or married or straight or gay or queer or trans, for that matter. Romance, as you’re about to discover, isn’t even about chocolate or pearl necklaces or roses or cupids shooting arrows at us.

Romance, believe it or not, is all about cats and dogs…

READ THE ENTIRE ARTICLE.

5 Reasons Why Dogs Think Letting You Pick the Restaurant is Romantic

You’ve got to read the Romance Is For Cats and Dogs article to understand this, btw. Enjoy!

1. Dogs want you to pick because we want you to be happy with the food. (We’re not sure what food you’ll be in the mood for come date time, so asking you to pick makes sense.)
2. Dogs don’t usually care what we eat. Deferring to you and your tastes in the moment make us happier and more at ease ‘cause we want you to have the food and ambiance you’re actually craving now!
3. Dogs tend not to think about things “in advance,” but, rather, are very “now” oriented. When it comes to picking a place in advance versus picking it when comes time to go out on our date, doing it closer to the date makes more sense.
4. Dogs are just happy to be spending time with you anywhere. To us, that you’re spending time with us at all is really all we need. That you’re spending time with us at all means that we must be doing something right. If we weren’t, you wouldn’t be with us.
5. Dogs crave being told, “good dog,” and we don’t want to pick the wrong restaurant or presume that we can read your mind so deferring to you in the moment seems the best way for us to do a good job meeting your needs.

See where Reid will be next…

Give Cupid a Hug from Me!

For those of you around the world who might be participating or considering attending an upcoming Valentine’s Cuddle Party (I’ve got a Singles Only CP happening in Times Square, NYC, on Feb 13th), I thought I would jump over to the Cuddle Party website at CuddleParty.com and dig through their articles section. I found this piece that I penned waaaaaay back in 2004, which, I am proud to say, still holds up!

Snuggle on!

More Spoon For Your Buck: How to Make the Most of your Cuddle Party Experience

by Reid Mihalko, the Warren Buffett of Snuggling

Okay, you’ve heard or read about Cuddle Parties enough times that you’ve finally checked out the website, said to yourself in your best skeptical voice, “Hmmmm, seems harmless enough… Three hours of massage, spooning, and conversation sounds pretty okay.” Then your boss calls up and yells at you for ten minutes, after which the idea of cuddling a bunch of strangers sounds like heaven. In a moment of hug-fest-crave induced courage, you email your RSVP to the next Cuddle Party, and now you’re thinking, “What the heck do I do now? How do I make the most of all this?”

Well, I’m glad you asked, because here’s the 411 on getting the most spoon for your buck!

Here are our top ten tips on how to get the most out of a Cuddle Party:

10. Even if you’re feeling a tad nervous, participate in the Welcome Circle’s Hug Exercise and the now-world-famous Cow Exercise….

READ THE REST OF THE ARTICLE

Valentine’s Tricks To Rock Your Partner’s Love Languages

In 1992, a marriage counselor and pastor in North Carolina, Dr. Gary Chapman, wrote a book called The 5 Love Languages. Whatever your views on Christianity, this is one of the most useful books on relationships I’ve yet to read, and I recommend it to anyone and everyone.

In honor of Cupid slinging his arrows in your direction this February, here is a super useful exercise of mine that I invite you to try with the loved ones in your linfe.

Happy St. Valentine’s Day…

1. Find out what  you and your partner’s Love Languages are – Take the quiz!
2. Come up with, plan and execute three things this Valentine’s Day that will be Love Language “home-runs” for the special people in your life. What I mean by “home-run” is that you surprise attempts to hit two or three of their preferred Love Languages for receiving/feeling loved in one task or act:

Receiving Gifts: Buy them a copy of Earning Your BLACKBELT in Relationship or a gift that you two can watch or do together (Bonus points for hitting Quality Time needs along with Receiving Gifts, btw!).

Words of Acknowledgement/Affirmation: Buy someone you care about a Valentine’s Day Card and write your own “top 5 reasons I love you” list inside. Then hide it in the fridge, in their car or jacket pocket – somewhere where they’re sure to find it. (Bonus points if they also love receiving gifts and you include a little something that they like along with the card!)

Quality Time: Make a date with your partner and leave all your electronic doohickeys and theirs at home -cell phone, laptop, iPod, etc.- and just go for a long walk somewhere, holding hands, and asking them about their day, etc. Or go ice skating or something interactive like a couples massage workshop. Don’t go to a movie. (Bonus points if Touch is one of their other top Love Languages!)

Acts of Service: Do something for your partner that you know they really need done and don’t have time to do themselves. Get the oil changed in their car before you hide that Valentine’s Day Card in it. Hire a maid to clean their house while you two go ice skating. You get the picture.

Giving/Receiving Touch: Look at the suggestions above and come up with a surprise that incorporates touch into one or two more of your partner’s Love Languages for receiving love!

Good luck with your Love Language home-runs! Let me know how they go for you, too!
~REiD

by Reid Mihalko

Romance makes things better.

It’s true. Even if you hate Hollywood romance films, heart-covered Hallmark cards, chocolate roses, and want to kick Cupid in the shin, no matter how much you hate Valentine’s Day, long walks on beaches, or eye-gazing, it’s hard to argue that the warm fuzzies we get when someone strikes our romance chords are bad.

In fact, that sweet, gooey release of the romantic “feel-goods” is great for your health, both body and mind.

You might be surprised to know, that most of what makes romance feel so darn good is chemical. I’m not talking about the chemistry of a shared bottle of Two-Buck Chuck wine. I’m referring to the release of immune system bolstering, social bond-reinforcing, stress reducing hormones.

These all-natural, body-produced hormonal cocktails are the exact same stuff that puts the “mad” into “madly in love,” and by mad I mean “crazy.” The brain-chemistry of love, by the way, has been extensively researched and continues to be. It’s fascinating stuff. And while you might hate it when your best friend falls head-over-heels for Mr. or Ms. So-and-so causing them to forget all about you, there are many health benefits from all these hormones swirling around in your body and brain. With romance, it’s much of the same chemistry, just in smaller doses. Think of it as Love Potion #9 Lite: Tastes great, less crazy making! And for those of us already in love, or in relationships that have outlasted their honeymoon periods, romance is a great way of delivering an extra (sometimes much needed) shot or two of the warm fuzzies.

Photo Illustration by Ann Cutting for Time Magazine

Romantic interludes and thoughtful acts can trigger the release of feel-good hormones which are outstanding for our physical and mental health. An intimate cuddle on the couch or a shared bit of dark chocolate after a romantic dinner can seduce the body into releasing hormones like oxytocin (the cuddle hormone) and phenylethylamine (released by the brain during orgasm and also found in chocolate). These hormones lower blood pressure, improve immune system performance, and inhibit the release of stress inducing hormones while also psychologically promoting a deeper sense of trust, and feelings of being understood and appreciated. These physiological and psychological effects can be a huge help after a hard day at work trying to meet a deadline, a rough day tending to sick children, dealing with financial difficulties and economic pressures, etc., etc. Romance can leave us feeling less alone in the world, more relaxed and calm, and feeling better about ourselves. In short, a little romance can go a looooong way towards getting us through a cold winter. (Or any season for that matter!)

The trouble with tradition…

Unfortunately, for many of us, the cultural stereotypes for what is romantic and acceptable aren’t always clear nor do they always work. It seems, that even when it comes to romance, everyone is unique and what worked on your ex doesn’t always leave your current partner feeling loved and cherished. Then there’s the fact that Hollywood seems pretty stuck on romance being a guy/girl thang that has the chocolate-covered strawberries rolling in only one direction: man to woman.

What about romancing the dude? And what if you’re allergic to strawberries?

The fact that America’s romantic traditions and symbols are so very gendered and unidirectional can be a big pain in the ass. If the traditional go-tos like roses and a card don’t get you all gushy, your partner might soon run out of other ideas and give up. Worse, you or they could be thinking you’re doing “romantic” things with the most earnest of intentions, doing a great job, but continually missing the mark and leaving those you care about starving. And attempting to sweet-talk the non-traditional gender seems so laughable by our cultural standards that  women romancing men and men romancing men are the things of sit coms and Comedy Central sketches about prison.  Bubba, you made me a shiv? How romantic… While occasionally funny and usually at least a tad insensitive, the cultural message is bleak: Do not waste your time romancing men ’cause it doesn’t work.

These traditions are just a partial list, hints and clues, really. And romance, like Angelina Jolie, goes both ways.

A diamond ring is not inherently romantic, and even the most stoic of men can have a soft-spot. And while we can argue that dark chocolate might be romantic on account of the phenylethylamine, or that Dick Cheney would never be caught dead taking a long walk on the beach, the point is that almost anything can be made to be romantic and anyone can be romanced, if you know how romance occurs for the other person.

And, for the record, men are actually quite easy to romance!

Romance is actually all about cats and dogs.

In my Romance for the Rest of Us workshop, and in my personal couples and one-on-one coaching, I get the great honor of making the fine art of romance easy!

Making romance easy, surprisingly enough, has very little to do with being a man or a woman, or being single or married or straight or gay or queer or trans, for that matter. Romance, as you’re about to discover, isn’t even about chocolate or pearl necklaces or roses or cupids shooting arrows at us.

Romance, believe it or not, is all about cats and dogs. Not whether or not you own a cat or a dog, but where on the spectrum of catness-to-dogness you fall when it comes to how romance occurs to you. Romance, I posit is an orientation! Thinking of romance like it’s a Kinsey Scale of what makes us feel loved and appreciated, if you will, is the key to understanding how to make romance easy.

Romantically speaking, “cat oriented” people tend to feel warm and fuzzy when they have proof someone is thinking of them. “Dog oriented” people tend to feel gushy and sweet when they get told, “good dog!” Forethought and acknowledgment: cats and dogs. End of lesson 1.

Compared to Hollywood’s version of romance, forethought and acknowledgment seem very different from the glittery Edward in Twilight expressing his emo-vampire love for Bella by refusing to suck her veins dry. Anything emotionally torturous and/or fits of self-denial labeled as romance should be avoided at all costs because that kind of “romantic” is usually followed by the word “tragedy.”

Anything emotionally torturous and/or fits of self-denial labeled as romance should be avoided at all costs because that kind of “romantic” is usually followed by the word “tragedy.”

My approach to romance is waaaaay more fun. It might take a second to get the hang of it, but that’s only because you’re probably fighting years of bad romance habits. Making someone feel romanced is actually quite simple and its applicable to most people, though I’m not entirely sure how it works on pubescent werewolves… My guess? Romance werewolves like you would dogs and not cats. (Does that put vampires on the cat-side of the spectrum? Hmmmm…)

Romance for “cats” is anything that you can do which proves you were thinking about that person before they walked in the door. Its forethought at is most simple, and has a great chance of occurring to these cat people as being romantic. Knowing and having proof that you were thinking of them when they weren’t standing right in front of you gives them the warm fuzzies.

What is romantic for “dogs” is having their likes and dislikes validated. Being told “bad dog,” or being scolded or made to feel like the things they like are wrong or silly isn’t very romantic for a dog. Appreciation and acknowledgment are what makes a romantically oriented dog person rollover and want their belly scratched.

And who doesn’t like a good case of the warm fuzzies and a belly scratch now and then?

Once you’ve got the basic concept down, it helps to remember that the catness-to-dogness system is a continuum. You can be more cat or more dog, entirely all cat or all dog, or 50/50 cat/dog when it comes to what makes you feel romanced. There’s no right way or wrong way. And one orientation or degree of preference isn’t any better than the other. It’s just a helpful approach to figuring out what makes your loved ones feel loved.

And for you binary-hater types who want to nail me to the box of chocolates for only talking about cats and dogs, I’m sure there are more than a few people out there for whom romance occurs on a vastly different continuum. To all my brother and sister otters and parrots and Pandas and unicorns, et al: I’m not trying to exclude you. I’m just trying to keep it simple for the folks at home!

Back to cats and dogs and how we make this knowledge work to our advantage…

Make the dinner reservations now.

We’ve got a date. You picked a restaurant and called ahead and made the reservation without me having to tell you or remind you. That equals in my cat-mind: “You must have been thinking of me.” You just scored yourself some major romance points.

To cover my bases, just in case it’s a dog oriented person I’m dating, I’m going to… Acknowledge you for kicking-ass in making those dinner reservations!

Whether I have a need to acknowledge you or not, it’s still an excellent thing for me to tell you how much I appreciate your thoughtfulness and how awesome a job you’re doing in our relationship (Good dog!). For the dogs in your life, you just made them super-duper happy. Woof!

To review: what occurs as romantic to a dog is acknowledgment and validation. Anything that says, “I approve of you, your likes and life. I validate that you’re a good person. Good dog!” What occurs as romantic to a cat is anything that proves you were thinking of them before they walked into the room.

To review: what occurs as romantic to a dog is acknowledgment and validation…. What occurs as romantic to a cat is anything that proves you were thinking of them before they walked into the room.

Just so you know, I’m a total dog, and I actually teach people in my life to say to me, “Reid, I approve of you, your likes and life. I validate that you’re a good person. Good dog, Reid!” Really. No lie. And, as silly as it sounds, it makes me feel friggin’ great even when I know they’re just saying it to me because I asked. Why does it work? Because I’m such a dog!

For those of you who are dogs in relationships with dogs or cats in relationships with cats, or variations of each, the same rules apply and nearly always work. Try ‘em!

Ways you can remind yourself to be more romantic…

Because this is not necessarily how we were taught to behave when it comes to romance, here are a few tips you can use towards implementing and integrating this knowledge.

For you cats reading this: Use your computer calendar to send yourself reminders like, “Tell them what a good dog they are today.” You get to let them know that you’re thinking about them -something that occurs to you naturally- and we dogs get the scratch behind the ear that we need so badly.

So, for us dogs, for those of us who when it comes to roses and chocolate, tend to “romance in the now” and not be thinking from forethought, what we can do is rather simple…

Write “Book those dinner reservations NOW!” on a post it and stick it to your fridge, computer screen or forehead. When ever you schedule a date, immediately pick a restaurant, call ‘em up, and reserve the table. Eating in tonight? Pick a menu and order the food before your sweetie walks through the door.

Cats people do the “make the reservations immediately” kind of thing almost naturally. If they don’t do it right then, they’ll remember to do it later ’cause… Well, because cats tend to think a lot about details and stuff. If you’re a dog like I’m a dog, I think a lot in the moment about whatever it is I’m focusing on, but should a squirrel or some other distracting thought scurry by -Whosh!- I’m off chasing what’s next, often forgetting to come back to take care of the dinner reservation bit. Hence my need for reminder post-its and the advantage of making those reservations immediately! Dogs -if you make this a habit- will have scored big romance points which you get to cash in for acknowledgments and belly scratches.

Booking reservations asap has done wonders for my love life.

I’m very much a dog and it definitely doesn’t occur to me naturally to make dinner reservations. What does occur to me, though, are all the details and thoughts about what need to happen before our date… Most of these kinds of detailed thoughts occur in one blast, usually right after I make the date with my sweetie, I used to put into the “can wait till later” category. I mean, the restaurant isn’t going anywhere, right, and I’ve got other things to do. However, all that got me was grief because I would always defer to my partner on where they wanted to eat, which, since I tend to date cats, wasn’t very romantic.

What I’ve trained myself to do, instead, is to not wait when stuff does occur to me in the moment. I make a date and I make a list of to dos that occur to me right then and there, and then I check off as many of those to do boxes as I can, as soon as I can. Why? Because that basically equals forethought to a cat!

It’s genius, I tell you.

If I ask you out on a date and you say yes and I immediately book a dinner reservation, order flowers (or that power drill you’ve been talking about!), and put a reminder on my calendar for it to email me the three other things I need to handle two days before our date… Well, what occurs to me as being proactive and clever (I can get a way better table at the restaurant booking the reservation ahead of time instead of waiting till the last minute) stands a great chance of reinforcing for my date that I’m a romantic pure breed!

My partner, especially when they’re feeling all warm and fuzzy because I totally struck their romance chord, knows to acknowledge me and tell me what a good dog. That makes me feel warm and appreciated, and we’re both flooded with romantic feelings and notions…

Even though the way romance occurs to us may be completely difference, we’ve managed to get those hormones flooding our systems. Now we’re feeling closer and more connected than ever, and, suddenly, everybody wins.

Romance does make things better after all!

So, to sum up my advice:

1. Figure out if you’re a cat or a dog when it comes to romance.
2. Figure out if what your partner’s orientation to romance is.
3. When in doubt: Always make the reservation in advance AND tell them what a wonderful job they’re doing in your world.

Happy romancing!

Your neighborhood sex and relationship cupid,
REiD

© 2010 Reid Mihalko, all rights reserved

Never before has upgrading your relationship skills and improving your intimacy mojo been this fun and enlightening!

Learn the secret techniques that make Reid Mihalko and Kamala Devi “relationship ninjas” for just $19.95 plus s/h!

That’s right, just under twenty-bucks gets you a DVD full of humor and deep learning!

Whether you are a white belt in love or a bedroom ninja with amazing, heartfelt skills, this educational, humorous, sometimes irreverent (but always insightful) DVD from relationship masters Reid and Kamala is for you! Who doesn’t want to learn how to struggle less in your relationships, love more deeply, and have fun while doing it? Order your copy today!

Reviews of the DVD…

A 5.0 out of 5 stars, Amazon review of Earning Your BLACKBELT in Relationships:
An authentic, funny and practical examination of a healthy alternative to monogamy…
December 16, 2009
By Joyful Body Mind Spirit (San Diego, CA)

I’m a self-help junkie and that extends to podcasts and DVDs. I want to be the best person I can be. Lately I’ve been learning a lot about relationships and how to make them work, as well as my role in said relationships. This DVD offers a fresh, honest and out-of-the ordinary look at how to master romantic partnerships.

But wait, this isn’t just your regular feel-good collection of mumbo-jumbo marriage therapy diced and sliced into bites of information. Rather, this DVD explores real-world issues in a way you’ve probably never considered. Or if you have, you might have felt bad about it or thought you were alone. While Earning Your Black Belt in Relationships focuses mainly on how to make polyamorous–or “open”–relationships work, the ideas presented are excellent tools for any relationship. Even single people can take the ideas and apply them to their lives. The best viewer for this DVD isn’t someone who’s solely interested or labeled as polyamorous, but rather someone who is tired of making the same mistakes and wants to delve into different ways of thinking and being that actually work.

Sex and relationship coaches Kamala Devi and Reid Mihalko share tools and tricks to successfully sustaining multiple open relationships. That’s right, more than one. And guess what? If you can’t get one right, it’s not likely you’ll be able to get more than one right. So start small and blossom as your communication and awareness skills grow.

There are 10 chapters in this DVD, and the “lessons” spell out BLACKBELTS, which also echoes a fun ninja theme (it’s subtle, but clever). Mihalko and Devi explore the lessons in detail after you watch intriguing, real-life footage about the topic from people who live it. And no, not everyone is labeled as strictly polyamorous. One person is single and “poly-curious.” Another is monogamous but open-minded. Each topic ends with an exercise or “mission” to help anchor the ideas presented. Here’s a peek into the chapters:

1. Be Real: learn to be transparent – This chapter stresses how important it is to know who you are and what you really need. This is easier said than done, as many people live in a fog much of their lives. So before you do anything, get in touch with your authentic self.

2. Labels and Lovestyles: define your own terms – Figure out what works for you in relationship. Be specific and know that there are many different “fits” or “configurations.” You may even choose to not label yourself, but know that you still need to be able to communicate your needs, and words might be necessary.

3. Agreements and Boundaries: authentic negotiations – This chapter explores the importance of setting clear agreements and boundaries. Communication and transparency are the keywords here. When you know what works for you and you ask for what you need to feel safe, you create more freedom. These can evolve over time. The “mission” here is to determine what your bottom line is.

4. Clear Communication: express yourself fully – Without clear communication, you are not going to make it. If you like to withhold information or if you are unable to listen to and hear your partner, you have work to do. Develop your ability to speak your truth and hear your partner. Say what’s not being said.

5. Know your needs: and how to get them met – This chapter talks about “needs work,” which is pretty deep emotional work. You are in charge of your own needs. Be aware of what your needs are and meet them in a healthy way–needs aren’t bad. Use the communication skills you learned in previous chapters.

6. Break-ups and Transitions: let go with grace – Change is inevitable and break-ups aren’t necessarily bad. Longevity is a “horrible metric with which to measure the quality of a relationship.” Relationships are organic and seasonal. Be realistic about what’s healthy.

7. Emotions are Welcome: honor your feelings – Believe it or not, it is all right to feel whatever it is you are feeling. Be willing to express yourself and be willing to hold space for your partnerships. Emotions are meant to be felt. You can raise your emotional intelligence and apply it to your relationships.

8. Learning Curve: give yourself room to grow – This chapter normalizes the time it takes to get things “right.” Be gentle with yourself and see relationships as growth opportunities. Don’t try to be perfect. Expect breakdowns and work with them. Welcome the learning curve, learn and apply the lessons.

9. Takes a Tribe: creating alternative community – Surround yourself with support, community or tribe. Don’t isolate yourself. This can be online, a potluck, church, whatever works for you.

10. Sex and Spirituality: honoring your lovers and self – Approach your relationships with a sacredness and respect, regardless of whether or not it’s “mystical.” Elevate it to a higher co-creation. Be free from guilt, shame and fear.

Devi and Mihalko are real and engaging, and their down-to-earth rapport is charming. While the camera work is a little shaky at times, the content is so strong and the advice so compelling, it’s easy to forgive. Get ready to open your mind and your heart with this entertaining, educational and endearing DVD.

Order now! Just $19.95 plus s/h!

The dating and relationship scene across the country is tangled up in outdated models, mixed messages and “solutions” that aren’t working. What’s worse is, for men AND women, New York City is the simultaneously the best and the worst place on Earth to date! Heck, even the successful relationships around us are failing… Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins!?!

What is it we’re all missing?…

Join world renowned sex and relationship expert Reid Mihalko as he sits down with spiritual counselor and teacher Paula Tursi for 90-minutes of discussion & conversation on how to reframe your experience and enlighten your quest for your perfect someone. Learn how  your search for a mate is really a journey  for your own self discovery.

Over the course of this insightful, comedic (and occasionally irreverent) evening, we will discuss:

• What is that ineffable “thing” is that makes relationships work and why so many of us miss seeing it!
• What if your mate wasn’t suppose to be your perfect lover, best friend, etc., but -instead- is your mirror for growth?
• How dating is really a beautiful lesson in how to live consciously, how to heal your own inner demons, and transform your life (Even during the times it feels like hell).
• Ways to look beyond the “they’re dreamy” Illusion or “Fantasy Loop” you keep getting stuck in and how to see what your no-bullshit truth is!

Are you frustrated by how much time you’ve spent on dating websites and botched, online dates, or bad relationships?

Sit with them as Reid asks and answers some of the hard questions about how we can find spirituality on our quest for Other. Hear Paula’s up front answers in sharing her own experience as she tells what worked and what didn’t and how it brought her closer to her inner light and to a real place of love and compassion instead of inadequacy and bitterness. Then join them for Q&A that just might change your relationship life!

After the workshop, join us for a social, wine meetup where you can mix and mingle  with other like-minded, single men and women whom would also like to get real about relationship.  Expand your mind while expanding your social network!

Whether you’re a man or a woman, married umpteen times, separated, recently divorced or never- been-kissed… Whether you’re just thinking about entering the online dating pool or you’ve been a member of Match.com for so long you should have been given stock options…

This workshop is for anyone who is confused and frustrated and not getting the results they want when it comes to the world of relationships in New York City and beyond!

Call Reflections Yoga to reserve your tickets before this evening sells out!
(212) 974.2288

DATE: Saturday, Feb 13th
WHEN: Talk – 7-8:30pm, Mixer – 9pm-Midnite
WHERE: Reflections Yoga in Times Square, 250 West 49 Street, 2nd Floor (Between 8th Ave. and Broadway), New York, NY 10019

COST:

Day-of ticket prices at the door…

• $20 for Talk Only
• $40 to attend both the Talk and Wine Mixer

Save on GROUP DISCOUNTS with advanced tickets…

• $35 each for You and a Friend for the Entire Evening
• $30 each for the Entire Evening when you buy 3 or more tickets!

Other Reid Valentine’s related workshops…
Feb 12th – Romance for the Jaded New Yorker and the Newly In Love!
Feb 13th - Single’s Only Cuddle Party
Feb 13th – Dating: The Reality and the Illusion… (And the Wine Tasting Meet Up, too!)
Feb 14th – Iron Slut Sex Educator Showdown Slams Providence, RI!
Feb 17th – The Ins and Outs of Hand-Sex with Amy Jo Goddard

ABOUT PAULA: Paula Tursi is the Founder and Director of Reflections Yoga and the Reflections Yoga Teacher Training Program. She has been working with alternative healing practices for over twenty years. She specializes in the combination of yoga, breath therapy and meditation. She uses these techniques in her class and private coaching sessions, giving her students tools to cope with the challenges of daily life. Paula holds yoga retreats and teacher trainings world wide, where she teaching movement awareness techniques mixed with the yoga to create a clear connection of the mind and body.

Paula’s work focuses on the connection of mind and body, understanding that we move not only from our muscles and joints, but from the understanding of ourselves and how we relate to the world. Movement or asana can start from the inner or outer body, however, movement initiated from the inner body can be an expression of locked memories in the mind that have been patterned over time.

Paula holds a Masters degree in Psychology from Columbia University and a Masters degree in Education from Hunter College. She did her clinical post-graduate training at the Milton H. Erickson Society for Psychotherapy and Hypnosis. She teaches classes, holds corporate workshops and offers individual instruction in breath awareness, partner yoga and spiritual coaching.

ABOUT REID: Reid Mihalko of www.ReidAboutSex.com helps people create more self-esteem and greater health in their relationship and sex lives, no matter what their self-expression of those happen to be.

Reid has worked with thousands of individuals from myriad walks of life, orientations, relationship styles, countries and religions. Known for his charisma, wit and emphasis on integrity, Reid travels the country teaching, coaching, consulting and collaborating. He has been a writer and producer on a number of films and television projects about sex and relationships, and appears regularly in the media.

Reid has been a featured speaker at dozens of conferences on relationships and sexuality. He has also appeared on the Emmy award-winning talk show Montel, Fox News, VH1’s Scott Baio is 45 and Single, Showtime’s Penn & Teller’s Bulls**t!, Canada’s The Sex Files and SexTV, and the short-lived Life & Style, on NPR, Sirius’ Maxim Radio and Cosmo Radio, and in Marie Claire, GQ, Details, People, Newsweek and The National Enquirer, as well as media across the globe in thirteen countries and at least seven languages.

No date for Valentine’s Day? No problemo!

Come meet Cuddle Party creator Reid Mihalko and as well as a whole bunch of amazing, single New Yorkers in one of our biggest Cuddle Party events of the year.

More than 10,000 women and men in cities all across America have show up and were delighted with their experience…

What will you learn?
Who will you meet!
How big will your smile be?

• Take the sting out of Cupid’s arrow
• Expand your social network
• Have some fun
• Learn and practice how to say No and not feel guilty
• Practice changing you mind – a valuable future skill for when you’re stuck in the middle of your next bad date!

Cuddling isn’t mandatory EVER at a Cuddle Party,
but being single for this event IS…

EARLY-BIRD SAVINGS and GROUP DISCOUNTS avail while they last, so order your tickets for by FEB 1st and SAVE!!

“Your first Cuddle Party was like finding some long-lost love medicine among the culturally accepted remedies that generally promote unhealthy attitudes…”
~Elaine, New York City

Read More Testimonials

Join Reid Mihalko for this playful communication workshop guranteed to take the sting out of Cupid’s arrow! Who knows, you might even meet someone! Seriously, tell everyone and come escape from the cold for a snuggl-o-licious time with a bunch of other cuddly singles!

DATE: Saturday, February 13th, 2010
TIME: 2:30-6pm EST
LOCATION: Reflections Yoga in Times Square
250 West 49th Street, 2nd floor, Times Square 10019

For more info about Cuddle Party, please go to www.cuddleparty.com

ABOUT REID: Reid Mihalko, co-creator of Cuddle Party, helps people create more self-esteem and greater health in their relationship and sex lives, no matter what their self-expression of those happen to be or where their interests lie. Reid has worked with thousands of individuals from myriad walks of life, orientations, relationship styles, countries and religions. Known for his charisma, wit and emphasis on integrity, Reid travels the country teaching, coaching, consulting and collaborating. He has been a writer and producer on a number of film and television projects about sex and relationships, and appears regularly in the media. Reid has been a featured speaker at dozens of conferences on relationships and sexuality. He has also appeared on the Emmy award-winning talk show Montel, Fox News, VH1’s Scott Baio is 45 and Single, Showtime’s Penn & Teller’s Bulls**t!, Canada’s The Sex Files and SexTV, and the short-lived Life & Style, on NPR, Sirius’ Maxim Radio and Cosmo Radio, and in Marie Claire, GQ, People, Newsweek and The National Enquirer, as well as media across the globe in thirteen countries and at least seven languages.

Let Reid help you make Valentine’s Day suck a lot less this year, and maybe forever!

You’re a New Yorker. You live in one of the greatest, most diverse metropolitan areas on the face of the planet. You are surrounded by millions of people every day… And yet, there’s a decent chance you fall into one of two categories:

• Valentine’s Day in NYC either makes you want to jump off a bridge or has you skipping down the subway stairs at Rush Hour!
• You’re still dating online (and it feels like the Spanish Inquisition) or you’re newly in love (and boinking each other’s brains out every chance)!
• The sight of a dozen roses inspires violent thoughts or it reminds you of your loved one’s fragrant breath…

Whether you’re a jaded New Yorker and Feb 14th has you throwing up a little in your mouth, or you’re newly in love and scrambling to Victoria Secrets for something pink, many of us can’t easily explain what “being romantic” actually is.

We know it when someone is romantic to us. We know we score big points when we’re romantic to someone else. However, teaching someone how to be romantic or how best to romance us is way more complicated than exchanging cards and a teddy bears once a year. Let’s face it: for a relationship to last more than one date, let alone 20-years, Hallmark and Hollywood suck at giving us blackbelt level skills.

Because so many of us fail when it comes to romance or finding someone who’s “romantic enough,” our dating lives and relationships fall short. For the “freshly in love,” the endorphins and warm fuzzies of new relationships have a shelf-life and, once the honeymoon period fades, most can’t keep the romance alive.

How can you tell if someone is good at romance from one date and if they’ll continue to be romantic a year from now? Can you teach an old dog new tricks? Is long-term romance even possible? How can you use romance to strengthen your relationships with others and even with one’s self?

Join sex and relationship educator Reid Mihalko for a playful (and illuminating) two hours of discussion, exercises, and romance just in time for Valentine’s!

Together, we’ll break down and answer such vexing questions as…

• What the hell does she mean when she says, ‘Be more romantic?’
• How can I tell when someone is a romantic looser and what do I do about it?
• What’s the best way to romance a man?
• What are the sure-fire ways to romance a woman?
• How can I make my partner be more romantic?
• What do we do when the flame begins to fade?
• And… Oh god, what am I going to do for Valentine’s Day?!

Whether you’re currently single or celebrating your Gold Anniversary, this workshop is for you! Whatever your orientation, age, cultural background, or experience level, if you’re having problems with dating or the relationship you’re already in… If you need some last minute ideas for Valentine’s Day, or want to bring more passion, tenderness or mystique into your relationships as a daily practice… If you’ve never been to a workshop before or you’re a complete junkie, this entertaining and informative experience will leave you laughing and inspired.

Bring a date, bring a friend, and arm yourself with tools, tips, and tricks to make your entire life more romantic!

DATE: Friday, Feb 12, 2010
TIME: 7pm-9pm
PLACE: Times Square’s Reflections Yoga, 250 West 49th Street, 2nd Floor, Times Square, New York

Group Rates and Cupid’s Early-Bird Discounts available… Save BIG when you pre-pay!

Other upcoming Reid Valentine’s Worshops…

Feb 13th - Single’s Only Cuddle Party
Feb 13th – Dating: The Reality and the Illusion… (And the Wine Tasting Meet Up, too!)
Feb 14th – Iron Slut Sex Educator Showdown Slams Providence, RI!
Feb 17th – The Ins and Outs of Hand-Sex with Amy Jo Goddard

Questions? Email Reid at reid@reidaboutsex.com

ABOUT REID: Reid Mihalko helps people create more self-esteem and greater health in their relationship and sex lives, no matter what their self-expression of those happen to be or where their interests lie.

Reid has worked with thousands of individuals from myriad walks of life, orientations, relationship styles, countries and religions. Known for his charisma, wit and emphasis on integrity, Reid travels the country teaching, coaching, consulting and collaborating. He has been a writer and producer on a number of film and television projects about sex and relationships, and appears regularly in the media.

Reid has been a featured speaker at dozens of conferences on relationships and sexuality. He has also appeared on the Emmy award-winning talk show Montel, Fox News, VH1’s Scott Baio is 45 and Single, Showtime’s Penn & Teller’s Bulls**t!, Canada’s The Sex Files and SexTV, and the short-lived Life & Style, on NPR, Sirius’ Maxim Radio and Cosmo Radio, and in Marie Claire, GQ, People, Newsweek and The National Enquirer, as well as media across the globe in thirteen countries and at least seven languages.

Many thanks for what we accomplished together this year…

Hey, gang!

Impending New Year’s greetings from Northern California where I’m holed up in a cabin with some close friends gearing up to ring in the New Year… Today we close ‘09 and open up ‘10… ‘010? 2010! You get the picture…

Even though this is my vacation, as the early morning mists creep up the hill through the surrounding Red Wood trees, I’ve been slipping out of bed, tip toeing to the coffee maker and brewing a heaping pot o’ the morning joe. As the rest of the house sleeps, after adding my Bailey’s, I grab my coffee and my laptop to log in a few hours of work as is my workaholic routine (which, btw, happens to be a good thing when you’re an entrepreneur sex and relationship educator as I am!). I’ve learned that a few hours of calendaring, writing, website updating, and the reading other’s blogs allows me to relax the rest of the day. And so it is…

This morning, I am reminded by how so very blessed I am to be able to do what I do, and it’s because of YOU that I get to do it. So, before the world kicks off another year, I wanted to thank you for accompanying me on my journey in 2009.

Whether this is the first time you’ve visited my website or the 100th time… Whether you’ve just signed up for my newsletter, downloaded your first podcast, attended a dozen workshops, or hired me for relationship coaching… It all boils down to this: my world doesn’t work without your support and participation. So, during these last moments of 2009, I send you MUCH, MUCH GRATITUDE for helping me making this a break out year for ReidAboutSex.

I hope you got as much out of 2009 as I did. This was a HUGELY busy year for me and, in looking back over the last 12-months, it seemed appropriate to summarize and share what we accomplished this year.

Thusly, our year in review, the highlights…

I kicked off 2009 by launching the first of many of my more “edgy” workshops and many people turned out for ‘em!

Having recently turned Cuddle Party, the G-Rated, pop-culture phenomenon communication (even SNL did a skit on us) workshop about nonsexual affection and social intimacy that launched my career, into a non-profit (not that it was making a profit – insert snare-drum ba-dump-bump!), I was free to venture into more salacious sex ed territory without damaging Cuddle Party’s sterling reputation. Following my instincts would eventually lead to me creating a rating system for my workshops analogous to the film and television industries’ rating system.

The first of my edgier offerings would be the playful and salacious Negotiating Successful Threesomes (With Live Demonstrations!) at San Francisco’s Center for Sex and Culture.

The first of my R-Rated workshops, Negotiating Successful Threesomes was designed to have – shock! gasp! – “live demonstrations!” The demos consisted of friends of mine (and later on, audience volunteers) acting out fully-clothed versions out of my Threesome Kama Sutra along with practicing the communicating and ice-breaking tools and techniques that the workshop delves into. It was a huge success and so much fun that I immediately turned up the heat and began considering what my first NC-17 Rated workshop would be. That workshop wouldn’t launch for another few months…

2009 was also the year that February 13th, the day before St. Valentine’s Day, just happened to be a Friday… The combination of Friday the 13th falling before Valentine’s Day inspired me to declare every Friday the 13th, National End a Bad Relationship Day!

Sometimes, the first step in creating the relationship of your dreams is to end the nightmare relationship you’re currently in, so I held a teleclass on how to break up with panaché.

On the website front, I finally began the reorganization of the ReidAboutSex website. The first step was to begin gathering all the disparate posts and announcements and herding all of my free products and podcasts onto one easy-to-click on page of FREE Reid Stuff… One of the fun parts was dusting off my art school degree, double-clicking on my copy of Adobe Photoshop and designing a few eye-grabbing buttons to promote things. This would become the eventual home of podcasts Women Who Give Too Much with Diana Adams, and the hugely popular Energetic Sex: From Mystical to Practical podcast.

March would find me kicking off the first teaching trip of the year, landing me in our nation’s capitol, Washington DC, to teach several workshop for WholeDC. 2009 would end up being a year full of lots of traveling and teaching!

Cuddle Party would get a mention on the annimated show King of the Hill in March.

In April, I got up the gumption to run my first NC-17 Rated workshop, a workshop for adults age 18 and over where some of the demonstrations would be sexually explicit. Why? Because, as a sex educator, there are some things that are just plain easier to teach folks if I demonstrate them on a living, breathing human being while the audience watches and gets to ask the both of us questions. Let’s face it, in today’s culture many folks get their sex education from watching porn, and watching porn to learn how to be a better lover is like watching The Fast and the Furious to learn how to drive!

Let’s face it, in today’s culture many folks get their sex education from watching porn, and watching porn to learn how to be a better lover is like watching The Fast and the Furious to learn how to drive!

My first NC-17 workshop was The Ergonomics of Dynamic and Dynamite Sex. My goofy sense of humor, shameless view on sex between two consenting adults, and pragmatic approach to having sex in a way that was easier on your body (ergonomics) was a huge success. That was all the proof I needed to begin creating a slew of R-Rated and NC-17 Rated workshops.

And it would be in Sedona, Arizona that May, while attending the annual Sedona Daka-Dakini Conference where I was invited to speak on the topic of sexual healing work with rape and incest survivors that I would be asked to co-organize what would end up being two conferences on the East Coast in the Fall. (Little did I know that these conferences would turn into a huge win-win for everyone in my sex positive world!)

Later that May, I would pull-off one of my biggest teleclass achievements in 2009, the widely successful and still frequently downloaded, Day of Jealousy, where I got 13 of my favorite sex and relationship experts together across several calls to share their views, tips and personal stories on the great Green-Eyed Monster of Jealousy!

The next month, June, I would get the great opportunity to sit down and interview one of my sex ed heroes, mentor and friend Dossie Easton, co-author of the historic text, The Ethical Slut to talk about the release of it’s long awaited 2nd edition! It would take me the rest of 2009 to finally get the video footage from that interview edited and uploaded on to my YouTube “ReidAboutSex” Channel and posted on my site…

June would also find me in San Diego with the amazing Tantra and Polyamory educator and community leader, Kamala Devi, for a week of teaching and frolicking… The week would culminate with Kamala Devi and I shooting our first DVD together – Earning Your BLACKBELT in Relationships. Though it would take the rest of the year for us to edit the final footage, and I would have trouble designing the cover art ($80K of art school education back in action, remember!?), it was an amazing experience and I couldn’t have done it without the tenacious and tender Kamala Devi cracking her velvety whip! The official release party is this Jan 30th in SD, btw! Get your tickets and come join us…

Somewhere along the way,  I joined the Twitter craze and became quite proficient in updating my Facebook status, uploading recent photos of my exploits, and even have links on my site so people can friend and Tweet me. At some point I’ll reach the point of needing to have a FB Fan Page, but for now, I’m quite content with my many friends and using Facebook for buisness and pleasure.

As the saying goes, “Business before pleasure unless pleasure is your business!”

In July, I shared my love of, and savvy for, running teleclasses with my fellow sex positive professionals and taught a workshop on how to design and run your own teleclasses. I couldn’t tell you how many teleclasses I’ve run in the nearly 6-years since Cuddle Party launched my career, but this I can say: If you’re going to ever run a teleclass on how to run teleclasses, don’t be surprised if everything that could go wrong goes wrong! In a befitting twist of “Here is how to be powerful even when something goes wrong,” my 4-week teleclass (available for download) had about a million things go wrong. You’ll be happy to know that I was an excellent role model for “how to fix a glitch” and the “what to do when something goes awry.” The class and the workbook that goes with it came out great, btw, but it was a humbling and illuminating experience to say the least!

Speaking of illumination, as a “sex educator of sex educators,” I found that many of the struggles I’m encountering with the growing my own business and skills as a sex educator have been valuable for my peers when I’ve shared them. I admit it’s a bit vulnerable at times sharing what I’m having challenges with in my life to the world at large; however, business is a lot like love when it comes to communication and growth (and having good days and bad days). So, in the interest of role modeling things that are essential to making relationships sustainable, 2009 was the year that I stepped up my own personal practice a notch and began sharing my challenges and growth edges with my fellow sex educators. Vulnerability and transparency are key, right?

To check out what new things I’m up to for my Sex Educator peeps and Sex-Positive Professional peers, check out my ReidAboutSex Pro-Series products.

The end of Summer and Fall were pretty much consumed by the two Tantra Conferences I was organizing for the East Coast. So consuming in fact, that I chose not to attend the Burning Man Arts Festival in Black Rock City, Nevada. Three years ago I had founded the first large scale queer women’s/lesbian camp at the festival - Camp Beaverton for Wayward Girls. To date, it is one of my most proud commmunity bilding achievments. I note it here as a plug for anyone reading this who’d like to support the Beavers as they fund raise for this years trip to the desert. To learn more about the exploits of the Beavers, go to www.CampBeaverton.org. Go, Beavers!

The campers of Camp Beaverton for Wayward Girls 2007

As you can tell by this year’s accomplishments, I’m not your “normal” sex and relationship educator, and 2009 was the year, in my opinion, when I was finally able to make sense of my diverse and crazy way of approaching sex education. I’d heard from lots of marketing gurus that I was going about it “all wrong.” Their advice was to either “stick with Cuddle Party,” or “pick one niche within sex ed and target just that.” But, to me, there’s so much to talk about when it comes to sex and relationships and intimacy and love. I understood from a marketing point of view, the value of niching, but my intuition kept tugging me in a different direction. It wasn’t until the middle of this year that I began to see what the “Reid Brand” was, and, as the URL states, I am “about sex.” Plain and simple, and so very, very diverse and large and encompassing…. More than pointers on flirting, or podcasts on battling jealousy, or advice on how to understand men and women… I’m, literally, all about sex, all about relationships, love and intimacy, and everything in between.

I’d heard from lots of marketing gurus that I was going about it “all wrong.” Their advice was to either “stick with Cuddle Party,” or “pick one niche within sex ed and target just that.”

This was the year I gave myself permission to just be me, all of me. Not half of me, or what some marketing guru thought America could handle… And, like the advice I dole out to my clients in emails and one-on-one sessions, I began to not hide myself and who I am. America is ready for me, or at the least, I should empower them to chose for themselves if they’re ready or not. Who am I to “turn down the volume” on who I am and what makes me happy so that people feel comfortable? The more powerful and respectful choice is to empower them to choose for themselves, to hold them -and you- capable of saying yay or nay.

So, after running two successful conferences and nearly a year’s worth of PG-13 Rated, R-Rated and NC-17 Rated workshops, as well as a slew of teleclasses and podcast interviews, it was time for me to head to Hollywood and pitch… You guessed it: a reality show! Yep, I created a show about relationships and was off to the land of Lost Angels to squire my creative genius the big leagues of the cable TV industry…

It’s a long story, so I won’t go into it too much, but the short version goes like this:

1. Reid creates a scripted damadie (comedy + drama) series about alternative relationships called Polly And Marie ten years ago…
2. Eight years later, the pilot gets produced by an independent producer in LA and HBO almost buys it…
3. Said producer asks Reid to help him create a reality show on alternative relationships in 2008 and they film the teaser reel to help pitch the show…
4. After lots of legal negotiations, the initial paper work is signed and one of the top reality show producers in LA begins setting up appointments for the show to be pitched staring in November…

As fate would have it, I am contacted by Green Mountain College in Vermont and they ask me to fly to their college to be the headliner presenter for their annual Sexpo Day. This ends up happening the night before my first big reality show pitch meeting in Hollywood… I get up at 3am to drive from Poultney, VT, to the Albany Airport to fly to Hollywood to make my meeting. Thankfully, everything goes smoothly. Yikes!

Reid Mihalko with the enthusiastic students of Vermont's Green Mountain College!

November 19th, my “team” consisting of some of the best reality show and film producers in the business begin pitching our reality show creation to a few major networks. Our team is immediately confronted by concerns from network execs regarding demographics and advertising. While we had accounted for this, it was still amazing to sit in in a room of executives fielding their concerns… Apparently, women behaving badly and stabbing one another in the back to marry a millionaire is more appealing to advertisers trying to sell soap and shaving cream than a show about open relationships founded on the principles of honesty and transparency. Go figure!?!

Apparently, women behaving badly and stabbing one another in the back to marry a millionaire is more appealing to advertisers trying to sell soap and shaving cream than a show about open relationships founded on the principles of honesty and transparency.

Our next pitch meeting is scheduled for Jan 13th in Los Angeles and I’ll keep you posted!

Whew! And that brings us to these last few weeks and the holiday break.

Woefully behind on a few projects (mostly having to do with scheduling teleclasses and workshops and writing promotional copy), I cleaned off as much of my desk as I could, threw some clothes and my computer into a suitcase, and flew to see the family. In between playing with my nieces and nephews, early in the mornings I would secretly creep to my computer to continue plotting out 2010… And here we are: This hopefully, sensical wrap-up of 2009…

And, as if the Universe was trying to tell me something (I’m not sure what, tho!), yesterday I found an autographed picture of moi for sale on eBay. It’s a head shot photo of me from back in my acting days appearing on Guidling Light or Another World or As The World Turns…. Bid staring at $24.99, btw!

Somehow, this seemed a fitting way to close the year for me, and in celebration of my past acting career, I leave you with this clip from 1999 when I appeared for the first time on Comedy Central’s The Daily Show with Jon Stewart…

In 2010, expect lots of workshops, teleclasses, and hopefully a HUGE announcement regarding the sale of my reality show… If you have friends or colleagues who need some relationship coaching, send ‘em my way… And I hope to see you at a workshop sometime soon!

Thanks again for being a part of my work and my journey. I hope the things I’m up to have helped create more freedom and self-expression for you in your bedroom and outside of it!

As we step into this New Year, my wish for you comes from one of my favorite toasts (I apologize that I can’t recall where I found it): May the most you ever ask for be the least you ever get!

Happy New Year!

~REiD

Turn your luck around this Friday the 13th by joining world renowned sex and relationship educator Reid Mihalko as he declares Friday, November 13th, National End a Bad Relationship Day!

If you’ve ever had a bad relationship or are currently stuck in one, this hilariously frank and practical 90-minute teleclass, (first held, auspiciously, on the day before Valentine’s 2009, which was a Friday that year), will teach you how to end your bad relationships with panaché…

Learn More HERE!

Booming Relationships
with Carla Tara and Reid Mihalko

A weekend workshop dedicated to guiding Baby Boomers to rekindle passion, joy, love and excitement for life and each other.

November 6th, 7th & 8th, 2009
New York City
REGISTER TODAY! Call 212-217-2700
www.BoomingRelationships.com

• • How would you answer these very important questions?
• • Was your sex life once intimate and exciting, but after many years of marriage feels more like a habit?
• • Recent financial pressures got you or your partner arguing more extensively and/or drifting apart?
• • Would you like to communicate better and connect deeper with your partner than ever before?
• • Have you often wondered why some couples seem so happy? Do you wish your marriage could have that joy?
• • Are you ready to bring the juice back, and make sure the next phase of your life is the best part, filled with passion, joy, excitement and rekindled love and appreciation?

If your answer to these questions is yes, then give yourself and your relationship the gift of this workshop.

In a safe and fun environment, with people who want to live life to the fullest, (just like you) you will expand your ability to connect with your deepest desires and reconnect with your partner in a new way. You will interact through fun and creative exercises designed to practice what you are learning. You will be guided to expand your mind and integrate the knowledge into your body.

If you’re feeling shy about working on your relationship in a conscious, intentional way, then why not attend one of the most fun and informative, least threatening and unpretentious (and deeply inspirational!) events on Baby Boomers and their relationships happening in the country!

What if we told you that you could replace creaky knees, potbellies and TV dinners with a vibrant, healthy body and romantic evenings in bed?

At Booming Relationships you will learn:

• • How to spice up your romance…
• • Bring more excitement and passion to your life!
• • Breathing techniques that will directly open you up to love
• • Communication skills that will allow you to express your needs and feelings and hear those of your partner so you can both get what you want!
• • Touching techniques that will foster your connection and deepen the intimacy with your partner
• • How to recover the wonderful feeling of being in love again from a higher and more complete place
• • How to support each other using an approach of acknowledgment instead of criticism Stimulating techniques that will enrich your lovemaking and have you both experiencing real romance in every day life (not just flowers on Valentine’s Day!).

Join intimacy expert (and vivacious Baby Boomer) Carla Tara along with sex and relationship educator Reid Mihalko for Booming Relationships, a weekend workshop designed for Baby Boomers who want to live fully, passionately, and joyously.

“With my guidance you will re-frame negative connotations of Midlife with tools taken from varied psychotherapeutic approaches, Tantra wisdom, and my own dynamic journey. You will change mindsets you may have about getting old and own your ability to be in a dynamic, sexy relationship. The best part of your life is now in front of you and it’s yours to claim! Imagine feeling enthusiastic, productive, confident and turned on every day.”                                                                        ~ Carla Tara

Sign up before October 16th and receive your $100 discount off the full price of the course!

Weekend Full Price $497 per COUPLE

Weekend Price with early bird discount $397 per COUPLE – that’s less than $200 each for an entire weekend learning from Carla Tara and Reid Mihalko.

What is reinventing your relationship worth to you?

REGISTER TODAY! 212-217-2700

Booming Relationships will be held 6th, 7th & 8th, November 2009 in New York City. Space is limited so Register Today to reserve your spot.

ABOUT CARLA: Carla Tara uses sexual/spiritual energy and intention to help people expand beyond the constricting beliefs that impede their development, to create a juicy, new life full of abundance, deep connection, and fulfillment in all relationships.

A former psychotherapist, Carla is a member of the American Association of Sexual Practitioners, and maintains a successful private practice helping individuals and couples attain their highest potential for intimacy, passion, and spiritual connection. She has taught in India, Italy, and throughout the United States. In New York, Carla has taught at the Jain International Center, the Inner Light Center, the New Life Expo, the Learning Annex, and at her own Ohana Tantra School in New York and Maui.

Carla has been interviewed by Time Out Magazine, New Realities TV and Francesca Vitale among many others. She been a guest speaker at New York’s New Life Expo and lectured at the Sedona Temple, AZ.  As the host of “Tantra Today” on VoiceAmerica radio network, she presented a series of 20 interviews with major Tantra teachers, including Charles Muir, Lori Grace, and Kutira and Raphael. Her book,Lessons from a Tantric Tango Dancer, is available at Amazon.com.

You can read more about Carla here.

ABOUT REID: Reid Mihalko helps people create more self-esteem and greater health in their relationship and sex lives, no matter what their self-expression of those happen to be or where their interests lie.

Reid has worked with thousands of individuals from myriad walks of life, orientations, relationship styles, countries and religions. Known for his charisma, wit and emphasis on integrity, Reid travels the country teaching, coaching, consulting and collaborating. He has been a writer and producer on a number of film and television projects about sex and relationships, and appears regularly in the media.

Reid has been a featured speaker at dozens of conferences on relationships and sexuality. He has also appeared on the Emmy award-winning talk show Montel, Fox News, VH1’s Scott Baio is 45 and Single, Showtime’s Penn & Teller’s Bulls**t!, Canada’s The Sex Files and SexTV, and the short-lived Life & Style, on NPR, Sirius’Maxim Radio and Cosmo Radio, and in Marie Claire, GQ, People, Newsweek and The National Enquirer, as well as media across the globe in thirteen countries and at least seven languages.

Forgive & Reinvent:
Dusting Off Your Relationships and Making Them Shine!

Free, 60-Minute, Downloadable Teleclass Podcast with Reid Mihalko and Carla Tara

• • Are you angry with your partner?
• • Are you experiencing less intimacy the longer you stay together?
• • Do you still love your partner, and would like to recapture the passion you once shared?

Join Intimacy coach and SelfGrowth.com Featured Expert Carla Tara along with Sex & Relationship Expert Reid Mihalko for this special 60-minute conversation on how to recreate your relationship without having to find someone new.

Recorded: Wed, Sept 30, 2009 and Ready for Download Now!

In this free teleclass, also available for download to those who register, Carla Tara and Reid will cover:

• • Moving from a place of anger into forgiveness and compassion
• • How to replace old habits of criticism and control of your partner, with the fresh dynamics of support and love that won’t feel like B.S. to you or them
• • How to “Recession-Proof” your relationship
• • Tools that will bring you closer together emotionally, grounding your partnership so that you can face whatever life throws at you as a team
• • Every-day, easy ways to rekindle intimacy and passion in your relationship (Carla will share some of her sexy bedroom secrets!)
• • How see your partner (and be seen by them!) in a whole new light!

Whether you’re a Baby Boomer who has been married for 25 years, or are in a brand new relationship, you’ll learn how to move past grudges into recreating your relationship, recapturing the things you love about loving the most, as well as intimacy tips from two of the foremost experts in their fields.

This Downloadable Teleclass is absolutely FREE!

Tell your friends, tell your parents and grandparents and invite your partner to listen in! If you find this podcast useful, and you’re a Baby Boomer, then check out to see when Carla Tara’s next Booming Relationships workshop is, too… This 2-day, relationship and intimacy workshop developed specifically for Baby Boomers might be just what the doctor ordered!

Register Now and be listening to the Call Recording in minutes!

ABOUT CARLA: Carla Tara has raised two of her own children and is now a youthful grandmother who can be as spontaneous as her grandchildren. A charismatic Baby Boomer herself, Carla believes this is a special time for Baby Boomers to re-invent themselves, have more fun, and renew their commitment to openness and personal expression. To this end, she has developed this timely new workshop: Booming Relationships.

Carla Tara’s qualifications include a background in psychotherapy, which gives her insights into the complexity of the human mind and behavior, 20 years of relationship counseling, 15 years of Sacred Sexuality teaching, as well as her living example of health and fitness stemming from her teaching of Yoga, and her extensive knowledge of empowering breaths and nutrition. She has helped literally thousands of individuals and hundreds of couples reach their highest potential in relationships.

In Booming Relationships, Carla Tara will look with you at the stresses that can accompany this time of change in your life, know that they are normal, and reframe them with tools from varied psycho therapeutic approaches. This workshop aims to help you transform the mindset commonly accepted by society, that ‘you should behave your age’ or ‘old dogs don’t learn new tricks’ into a positive mindset that says you now have the best part of your life in front of you. Carla loves to say: ‘People don’t stop moving because they are old, they are old because they have stopped moving!’

Carla Tara is an exciting spokesperson who lives what she teaches. She loves sharing her wisdom and in Booming Relationships will guide you through the most rewarding part of your life, lightening up the often heavy load of responsibilities, and encouraging play while growing deeper in love with your partner.

Carla has been interviewed by Time Out Magazine, New Realities TV and Francesca Vitale among many others. She been a guest speaker on Panel discussions at New York’s New Life Expo and lectured at the Sedona Temple, AZ.As the host of “Tantra Today” on VoiceAmerica radio network, she presented a series of 20 interviews with major Tantra teachers, including Charles Muir, Lori Grace, and Kutira and Raphael. As well as developing a thriving private practice, Carla has taught workshops at Lori Grace’s Sunrise Center in California, at New York’s Open Center, and in Maui.

To see more of Carla’s work, visit her website at http://CarlaTara.com and http://BoomingRelationships.com

ABOUT REID: Reid Mihako and his website ReidAboutSex.com are the voices of relationship-reason and sexual pragmatism that don’t dash hopes but encourage us to dream. In Reid’s world, you get to have your cake and eat it, too, and you get to have the relationship of your dreams. The catch? You’ve got to do the work and show up for it!

From creating non-sexual pop-cultural phenomena like Cuddle Party to working with men and women on healing sexual shame and beating jealousy, Reid’s approach to freedom and self-expression in love and relationships is simple: “Relationships work best and more smoothly when you date and partner with people who are thrilled by you being 100%, undiluted you!”

Reid has worked with thousands of individuals from myriad walks of life, orientations, relationship styles, countries and religions. Known for his charisma, wit and emphasis on integrity and transparency, Reid travels the country teaching, coaching, consulting and collaborating. He is an expert in relationship dynamics and “love pragmatism.” He has been a writer and producer on a number of film and television projects about sex and relationships, and appears regularly in the media.

Reid has been a featured speaker at dozens of conferences on relationships and sexuality. He has also appeared on the Emmy award-winning talk show Montel, Fox News, VH1’s Scott Baio is 45 and Single, Showtime’s Penn & Teller’s Bulls**t!, Canada’s The Sex Files and SexTV, and the short-lived Life & Style, on NPR, Sirius’ Maxim Radio and Cosmo Radio, and in Marie Claire, GQ, People, Newsweek and The National Enquirer, as well as media across the globe in thirteen countries and at least seven languages.

Empowering Relationships: Your Relationship Decoder Ring – Part 1 @ 8pm EST

featuring Reid Mihalko of www.reidaboutsex.com