What does it take to show up as someone who creates a space for people to discover themselves?

From a recent attendee of my Foundations of Facilitation Weekend Intensive that happened in Oakland, CA. The next one I lead will be in Chicago, June 25-27th… Thanks, Madelon!

It’s been almost two weeks since I returned from taking The Foundations Of Facilitation 3 day training in San Francisco with Reid Mihalko and Marcia Bazcynski, the creators of Cuddleparty – among many other things – and I’m beginning to get enough perspective to filter my experience into words.

Being taught about facilitation by being expertly facilitated in a workshop on facilitation is a bit of a rabbit hole to go down. I was given space to discover my own ability to create space and what my obstacles are:  Creating space in me creates space around me for others to have their own space. Whew, that’s a brain twister!

The truth is this paradox was everywhere and the lines between who is teaching, who is learning and what is being taught all blur together. Facilitating is all about giving and receiving and, as one particular exercise in the workshop made clear to me, they are truly one and the same.

Reid and Marcia created an extraordinarily safe space. They set a tone of playful and intelligent allowing, brimming with respect and downright kindness, that facilitated me going deeply into my own insights. Everyone in this workshop was my teacher and I’ve walked away with more trust and assurance in myself and the ability to reflect that to anyone who comes to one of my events. When I know my participants already have everything they need and we can really play and have fun together. This is the kind of facilitator I like being!

So there, I’ve tried to give it words and now I can just step back and say. “This workshop is amazing!” I could take it over and over and keep getting just as much out of it. For the facilitator to be facilitated is the biggest gift ever. It shows me how much I am giving when I receive it. It shows me my responsibility as a participant for how I show up. It shows me how powerful the non-doing of facilitating is – how what is NOT said can be much more powerful that what IS said.

Speaking of taking it over and over again… I’ll be doing just that June 25th – 27th when Reid Mihalko comes here to give this workshop in June. And I’m not the only one, another participant is already signing up to come here from San Franciso. I am sending this to you because I want to have my friends come play in this space too.

I know you as someone who is very interested in creating space for others to discover their own truths and share your authentic self in the process. If you’re interested in deepening your ability to do this, in strengthening your facilitation “kung fu”, as Reid calls it, come sit with a Ninja who generously shares his secrets. And come play with me!

Go to www.foundationsoffacilitation.org for more info and to register. If you’d like info about payment options – or about my experience – call or email me.  madloni@comcast.net or 773-320-7571

With Love,
~Madelon

P.S. I invite you to pass this on to anyone you think may benefit from it as well.

Your calls have helped me embrace my jealousies with kindness and curiosity… as an ally, not an enemy.  

With appreciation,  

Sharon Mauldin of www.StarDancerTantra.com
Durango, Colorado

One thing I got out of the call, in just ten minutes, is confirmation and affirmation…. I wanted to face my insecurities…. Just listening to you guys is encouraging!… Being with my feelings and staying with that… Oh, yeah, I’m not alone!

~Tori

I’m in Europe, in the UK, and am fascinated by the speakers
you have involved in this topic that rarely gets discussed.
I love it.  :)

I love exploring psychology and interpersonal relationships
and have been pushing myself to learn more for 10 years. It’s
starting to pay off now in my own life and that is becoming
mind blowing.

~Mark, United Kingdom

Hi Reid, 

 

More testimonials coming soon…

Register for Reid’s 4-Week Jealousy Teleclass HERE.

Go Back To
Reid’s Day of Jealousy

Reid,

Not only was your threesome workshop SUPER fun with all the live demos, but it also produced results within 24 hours.

The following night I met a couple at a party who wanted to experiment, but were very unsure about how to approach anyone or communicate their desires and boundaries. It felt surprisingly easy and natural to explore what they wanted, and to navigate a hot and rewarding experience for all three of us. In fact, the next day, the husband sent me this email:

• ‘Connecting with you, after much uncertainty of how to break the ice, was definitely the highlight of our evening. Your energy, directness and honesty, empathy and enthusiasm, were *exactly* our best-case scenario for our first threesome.’

Thanks Reid – you rock!
D

I loved that people with all kinds of and depths of experience came to the workshop, and that you encouraged them to speak and contribute. I also seriously appreciated your attitude and your approach to leading the workshop. Your sincerity and attentive presence were obvious, as was the fact that you had prepared thoroughly for this workshop. These complemented each-other really well.

~Anonymous

And the preview of…

Negotiating Successful 
Threesomes
Official Follow-Up Compendium

This Follow Up “Compendium” is broken down, more or less, chronologically:

• P.T. (Pre-Threesome or Before You Try to Have a Threesome)
• Set Up (Initiating the Threesome)
• Pre-Bedroom
• In-The-Bedroom
• After-The-Bedroom

While, Negotiating Successful Threesomes dealt mostly with Pre-Bedroom and In-The-Bedroom, this follow up “workbook” will cover key bits of other areas as well, and go over some things that we didn’t get time to cover in 2-hours together.

Please give this a run through and let me know how it goes…

Oh, and for those of you who get off on proof reading and catching grammar hiccups, please unleash your mad skills with my blessings and email me any nefarious errors you happen upon. Since I aim to please, why not indulge the left brains of y’all!

Yours in self-expressed relationships,
Reid
reid@reidaboutsex.com

P.T. (Pre-Threesome)

Before you actually try to have a threesome, it’s a good idea to “do your homework,” what I like to call, as the lawyers say, “doing your due diligence.”

Exercises for Overcoming your Fears and Concerns

Overcoming fears and concerns begins with thinking about them and then talking about them. Like a musty rug, it’s not going to smell any better until you drag it out into the sunshine and flip it over. I invite you to try this exercises, not just for threesomes, but on all sorts of things and areas in your life….

Saying What’s Not Being Said Exercise:

1. Ask yourself:

• • What are you not saying (about threesomes)?
• • Who are you not saying this to who should know?
• • What are you afraid is going to happen if you say it?
• • Where else/what else aren’t you saying?

2. Write down your answers. Spend some time and really put your thoughts down.

3. Go share your list and answers with those people.

If you’re in a relationship, do this exercise together and share your lists together.

Be sure to share the contents of #3 in their entirety! This exercise isn’t named, “Only Saying Some Of What’s Not Being Said!” 

Don’t skip anything or edit stuff out because you think is sounds silly or doesn’t make sense. The point is to share what you’re not saying with those you love, not to make sense of what you’re afraid of. Like the musty rug, it’s in the exposing of, the getting things out into the open air, that begins to shift things for the better… [end]

Back to Negotiating Successful Threesomes

Kamala and Reid deliver, with both humor and grace, a fun-filled          
weekend full of practical things you can use, whether you’re brand          
new to poly and just looking to learn about it, or are an old hand          
at Polyamory. What they have to teach is far too precious          
to pass up!          

                                                            - Tish                          
South Carolina         

• I have attended many workshops and read many books on relationships.
• Reid and Kamala’s program stood out for innovative and practical solutions
• for the challenges that singles and couples face regarding intimacy. Powerful
• communication tools, role-play, and life experiences all helped deliver new skills
• and understanding far above my expectations!
•                                                                                        ~ Anonymous
•  

I would recommend this retreat if it were a thousand dollars! The time that
Reid and Kamala spent creating this safe, private and sensual experience was
incredible. Beside sharing in all the bliss, I have real tools to take home and
implement into my life too.
                                               -Anonymous

This workshop was so deep and real! his workshop went beyond were
I thought a workshop could go. This workshop was a microcosm of life.
It was a playground of fantastic possibility, with the hint of possibility of
what life could actually be like. This was not a workshop, but
a beginning of a new, exciting world!

- Michael McClure
San Diego, CA

It triggered my long-lost inner life which will
shine bright and bolder into my dark times.

                                                         – Heidi
                                                                          San Diego, CA

A unique retreat to grapple with the notion of Fee Love in a
supportive environment led by two exceedingly well qualified,
awesome, co-facilitators and leaders in the Free Love Movement.
Given the chance, I would sign up for other retreats with Kamala and Reid.

                                                              - Olaf K. Gitter, PhD, licensed psychologist
                                                                                                     Honolulu, Hawaii

Kamala and Reid are amazing. I would have paid double the price!
                                                                                                ~ Anonymous

• I feel that this weekend was wonderful in that I came out  with a charge of 
• “I’m ready for anyone who may come my way in love.” I know my boundaries, 
• agreements and what needs to be brought by that person for us to connect. 
• And, even better than that, I know I can communicate it.
•                                                                             -Jacob                
• Joshua Tree, CA

This is primarily a relationship and life training workshop where Open Relationships
and Polyamory are just sandwiched in it. A must for anyone who wants to grow
further in every aspect of life.
                                                               ~ Alan Farr

The weekend dives into the nooks and crannies of communication and boundaries. A safe space is created for really opening up and creating deeper communication where most people simply fall short. I walked away with tools to help me address more areas of love. The “sexual elevator talk” was immensely revealing and healing. This workshop delivers more than what one expects, and pushes the edges of outdated opinions, into possibility of loving more!

                                                                                                 – Michelle Ropczycki, LMT

[Foundations of Free Love's weekend retreat is...]

• • An open, intimate, active experience in community and the ‘tree’ of Free Love foundations, insights and possibilities… 
• • An exploration into agreements, boundaries, and needs… An experience of showing up and being present in the truth of our desires individually and learning how to communicate, negotiate, and manifest those in our relationship(s) and community… 
• • An experiential step into sacred sensual/sexual community and play parties.

                                                               I love you both! Thank you!

                                                                                                 ~ Val, CA

What I got out of the experience is far more than what I would have ever expected.
I got the direct experience that I am not alone, I never was, and I never will be. That
God/guides/spiritual teachers have my back. That I don’t have to worry about what
to say or what to do because they are directing me. I got great clear, tools on how
to work in my relationships in a very powerful and effective way.

- Anonymous