Let Reid Mihalko help you figure out “how to figure out” (and how to communicate) what you need to make your relationships work best!

No matter whether your single, dating, married, monogamous or polyamorous, if you don’t know what works for you and how to communicate it, you’re in for trouble….

If you haven’t a clue what your boundaries are, if you “kinda know ‘em” but could use some more clarity, or if you know them but don’t know how to put them into words, this 2-hours is for you!

Join sex and relationship expert Reid Mihalko of ReidAboutSex.com for a humorous and pragmatic, PG-13 rated, 2-hours of relationship negotiation made simple. Learn black belt relationship skills in how to figure out what your needs are in love and romance, the needs of your partners, and how to put it all into words!

Date: Friday,  13th, 2010
Time: 7-9pm
Location: The Sharma Center
Cost: $15 pre-register, $20 at the door
Due to the center’s limited space (40 people tops!), the address is only given out after you RSVP • Please RSVP for all Sharma Center Events at rsvp@sharmacenter.org • Please call on the day of the event 206-898-5876 for availability if you haven’t RSVP’d.

ABOUT REID: Reid Mihalko of www.ReidAboutSex.com helps people create more self-esteem and greater health in their relationship and sex lives, no matter what their self-expression of those happen to be.

Reid has worked with thousands of individuals from myriad walks of life, orientations, relationship styles, countries and religions. Known for his charisma, wit and emphasis on integrity, Reid travels the country teaching, coaching, consulting and collaborating. He has been a writer and producer on a number of films and television projects about sex and relationships, and appears regularly in the media.

Reid has been a featured speaker at dozens of conferences on relationships and sexuality. He has also appeared on the Emmy award-winning talk show Montel, Fox News, VH1’s Scott Baio is 45 and Single, Showtime’s Penn & Teller’s Bulls**t!, Canada’s The Sex Files and SexTV, and the short-lived Life & Style, on NPR, Sirius’ Maxim Radio and Cosmo Radio, and in Marie Claire, GQ, Details, People, Newsweek and The National Enquirer, as well as media across the globe in thirteen countries and at least seven languages.

60-minutes that will change the way you think about dating and relationships!

Hey, single ladies…

Are you ready to be in a relationship? A really good relationship? Are you wondering where all the “good ones” are and how you can find the kind of love you’ve always wanted? Then join Reid Mihalko of ReidAboutSex.com and Marcia Baczynski for Ready to Be in a Relationship: Successful Dating and Partnership for Single Women!

Reid and Marcia will discuss the five most common obstacles single women face in finding great relationships, and some simple steps you can take to increase your odds of getting the love you want. Find out where the good ones are hiding, what to do when you’re not getting clear signals of interest, and the three ways women sabotage their chances at successful partnership (and what to do about it).

If you’ve never heard these two present together, you’re in for a real treat. As friends, collaborators and colleagues for over six years, Reid and Marcia have developed dozens of workshops (including the world-famous Cuddle Party) and are joining forces again for this rare joint appearance. Their easy rapport, hilarious approach and commitment to delivering valuable content makes them one of the best duos in the world of relationship education.

Could it be any better? We think so… that’s why this teleclass is 100% f-r-e-e.

WHEN: Tues Apr 27th at 8pm EDT / 5pm PTD
WHERE: The comfort and privacy of your own home, car, or office. Just dial-in!

Can’t make the call? No problemo. Everyone who registers will receive a download link for the call recording.

Don’t wait! Register NOW for this hour-long tele-seminar that will change everything you know about dating.

ABOUT MARCIA: Marcia Baczynski is the head relationship coach at Ideal Balance Inc, a lifestyle coaching company for professional and entrepreneurial women.

A graduate of the University of Georgia and San Francisco Sex Information, Marcia is also well-known for being co-creator of Cuddle Party, a workshop/social event about boundaries, communication, intimacy and touch. Started in 2004, Cuddle Party events have spread globally, with over 50 facilitators in five countries. Marcia has made appearances on the Montel Williams show, People magazine, Fox News, Penn & Teller’s Bullsh*t, NPR, GQ, Marie Claire and Newsweek. She splits her time between San Francisco and New York.

Marcia can be reached at 1-800-208-0913 and marcia (at) idealbalanceinc (dot) com

Reid Mihalko: Reid Mihalko of www.ReidAboutSex.com helps adults create more self-esteem, self-confidence and greater health in their relationships and sex lives, no matter what their self-expression of those happen to be.

From his rated-PG/PG-13 workshops (Cuddle Party, Speed-Flirting) to the rated-R (Iron Slut Sex Educator Showdown) to his explicit, NC-17 rated, Show-N-Tell sex education workshops (where audiences get to watch, take notes, and ask questions), Reid has worked with thousands of individuals from myriad walks of life, orientations, relationship styles, countries and religions. Known for his charisma, wit and emphasis on integrity, Reid travels the country teaching, coaching, consulting and collaborating on fulfilling his mission: Create more self-esteem, self-confidence and health adults in and out of the bedroom.

Reid has been a featured speaker at dozens of conferences on relationships and sexuality and is a sought-after presenter and teacher at colleges and sex positive stores across the country.

Reid has been a writer and producer on a number of films and television projects about sex and relationships, and appears regularly in the media. He has also appeared on the Emmy award-winning talk show Montel, Fox News, VH1’s Scott Baio is 45 and Single, Showtime’s Penn & Teller’s Bulls**t!, Canada’s The Sex Files and SexTV, and the short-lived Life & Style, on NPR, Sirius’ Maxim Radio and Cosmo Radio, and in Marie Claire, GQ, Details, People, Newsweek and The National Enquirer, as well as media across the globe in thirteen countries and at least seven languages.

Flip jealousy and kick it’s ass while increasing your relationship skills, all in one day!

• Do you fear jealousy’s kick in the stomach?
• Often find yourself getting sucker-punched in your relationships by negative emotions or an inability to communicate what your needs are?
• Wish you could see your partner telegraph their emotional freak outs and side step them in time?

Perhaps you flinch when it’s time to have a difficult conversation, or maybe you chicken out all together? Do you wish you and your partner could navigate difficult emotions, emotionally spar and intellectually wrestle without hurting one another? Maybe you’re just looking to achieve a Zen-like state of mind when you’re taking a relationship from dating to “serious.”

If you long for more relationship techniques… If you feel like a white belt when it comes to love…

If you long for more relationship techniques, feel like a white belt when it comes to love, dating and commitment, or just want to feel confident in your love life, this five-hour workshop on Jealousy Judo and other Relationship Kung-Fu is for you!

DATE: Saturday, March 27th
TIME: 1-6pm
LOCATION: Reid’s Fruitopia event space, Oakland, CA
COST: $97 for the day workshop (extra charge for Sacred Sexuality Play Party Lab that evening). Group Discounts and VIP Passes available!

Join relationship blackbelts Reid Mihalko and Kamala Devi, creators of the informative and humorous relationship DVD Earning Your BLACKBELT In Relationships, in their Relationship Dojo for an inspiring, informative and jam-packed day devoted to honing your communication skills and giving your relationship the workout it deserves.

In this 5-hour intensive, designed to incorporate your own, unique relationships challenges as well, we will delve into:

• New ways of understanding jealousy so that you can deflect it’s crushing blows
• How to maintain your emotional balance during an argument or heated discussion and even diffuse the situation
• Ways to communicate your needs and leverage your partner’s strengths to create a win-win for both of you
• Blackbelt tips and tricks for creating powerful relationships with minimal effort!

Whether you are single, newly dating, married, divorced or on Match.com for years… Whether you’re monogamous or a swinger, poly-curious or have been practicing open relationships for years… Gay, straight, queer, undecided, or something that has yet to be named… This day-long workshop along with it’s “play party lab,” where you can test out your newly practiced communication techniques and relationship Kung-Fu is the perfect place for gain the confidence you need in a safe, controlled, interactive and playful environment.

You’ll be amazed by how deep you can go and how high you will soar. Please consider experiencing the rewards and transformation Kamala Devi and Reid Mihalko can generate and facilitate!

DATE: Saturday, March 27th
TIME: 1-6pm
LOCATION: Reid’s Fruitopia event space, Oakland, CA
COST: $97 for the day workshop (extra charge for Sacred Sexuality Play Party Lab that evening). Group Discounts and VIP Passes available!

ABOUT KAMALA: Kamala Devi ofwww.BlissCoach.com is a down to earth tantra goddess who has been studying and practicing yoga, tantra, sacred sexuality, and sexual healing during her extensive travels for the past eleven years.

A prolific writer, Kamala is the author of Don’t Drink the Punch: An Adventure in Tantra, Sacred Sexual Healing with Baba Dez Nichols and Teaching Tantra the EROTIC WAY as well as numerous stage plays. She has most recently release her collaborative DVD with Reid Mihalko, Earning Your BLACKBELT in Relationship.

Kamala has recently appeared nationally on Tyra Banks’s Tyra, theMorning Show, Inside Edition, MTV and several programs overseas.

ABOUT REID: Reid Mihalko helps people create more self-esteem and greater health in their relationship and sex lives, no matter what their self-expression of those happen to be or where their interests lie.

Reid has worked with thousands of individuals from myriad walks of life, orientations, relationship styles, countries and religions. Known for his charisma, wit and emphasis on integrity, Reid travels the country teaching, coaching, consulting and collaborating. He has been a writer and producer on a number of film and television projects about sex and relationships, and appears regularly in the media.

Reid has been a featured speaker at dozens of conferences on relationships and sexuality. He has also appeared on the Emmy award-winning talk show Montel, Fox News, VH1’s Scott Baio is 45 and Single, Showtime’s Penn & Teller’s Bulls**t!, Canada’s The Sex Files and SexTV, and the short-lived Life & Style, on NPR, Sirius’ Maxim Radio and Cosmo Radio, and in Marie Claire, GQ, People, Newsweek and The National Enquirer, as well as media across the globe in thirteen countries and at least seven languages.

Love is in the air…

This month’s article:

Romance is for the Cats and Dogs

by Reid Mihalko

Romance makes things better.

It’s true. Even if you hate Hollywood romance films, heart-covered Hallmark cards, chocolate roses, and want to kick Cupid in the shin, no matter how much you hate Valentine’s Day, long walks on beaches, or eye-gazing, it’s hard to argue that the warm fuzzies we get when someone strikes our romance chords are bad.

In fact, that sweet, gooey release of the romantic “feel-goods” is great for your health, both body and mind.

You might be surprised to know, that most of what makes romance feel so darn good is chemical. I’m not talking about the chemistry of a shared bottle of Two-Buck Chuck wine. I’m referring to the release of immune system bolstering, social bond-reinforcing, stress reducing hormones.

These all-natural, body-produced hormonal cocktails are the exact same stuff that puts the “mad” into “madly in love,” and by mad I mean “crazy.” The brain-chemistry of love, by the way, has been extensively researched and continues to be. It’s fascinating stuff. And while you might hate it when your best friend falls head-over-heels for Mr. or Ms. So-and-so causing them to forget all about you, there are many health benefits from all these hormones swirling around in your body and brain. With romance, it’s much of the same chemistry, just in smaller doses. Think of it as Love Potion #9 Lite: Tastes great, less crazy making! And for those of us already in love, or in relationships that have outlasted their honeymoon periods, romance is a great way of delivering an extra (sometimes much needed) shot or two of the warm fuzzies.

Photo Illustration by Ann Cutting for Time Magazine

Romantic interludes and thoughtful acts can trigger the release of feel-good hormones which are outstanding for our physical and mental health. An intimate cuddle on the couch or a shared bit of dark chocolate after a romantic dinner can seduce the body into releasing hormones like oxytocin (the cuddle hormone) and phenylethylamine (released by the brain during orgasm and also found in chocolate). These hormones lower blood pressure, improve immune system performance, and inhibit the release of stress inducing hormones while also psychologically promoting a deeper sense of trust, and feelings of being understood and appreciated. These physiological and psychological effects can be a huge help after a hard day at work trying to meet a deadline, a rough day tending to sick children, dealing with financial difficulties and economic pressures, etc., etc. Romance can leave us feeling less alone in the world, more relaxed and calm, and feeling better about ourselves. In short, a little romance can go a looooong way towards getting us through a cold winter. (Or any season for that matter!)

The trouble with tradition…

Unfortunately, for many of us, the cultural stereotypes for what is romantic and acceptable aren’t always clear nor do they always work. It seems, that even when it comes to romance, everyone is unique and what worked on your ex doesn’t always leave your current partner feeling loved and cherished. Then there’s the fact that Hollywood seems pretty stuck on romance being a guy/girl thang that has the chocolate-covered strawberries rolling in only one direction: man to woman.

What about romancing the dude? And what if you’re allergic to strawberries?

The fact that America’s romantic traditions and symbols are so very gendered and unidirectional can be a big pain in the ass. If the traditional go-tos like roses and a card don’t get you all gushy, your partner might soon run out of other ideas and give up. Worse, you or they could be thinking you’re doing “romantic” things with the most earnest of intentions, doing a great job, but continually missing the mark and leaving those you care about starving. And attempting to sweet-talk the non-traditional gender seems so laughable by our cultural standards that  women romancing men and men romancing men are the things of sit coms and Comedy Central sketches about prison.  Bubba, you made me a shiv? How romantic… While occasionally funny and usually at least a tad insensitive, the cultural message is bleak: Do not waste your time romancing men ’cause it doesn’t work.

These traditions are just a partial list, hints and clues, really. And romance, like Angelina Jolie, goes both ways.

A diamond ring is not inherently romantic, and even the most stoic of men can have a soft-spot. And while we can argue that dark chocolate might be romantic on account of the phenylethylamine, or that Dick Cheney would never be caught dead taking a long walk on the beach, the point is that almost anything can be made to be romantic and anyone can be romanced, if you know how romance occurs for the other person.

And, for the record, men are actually quite easy to romance!

Romance is actually all about cats and dogs.

In my Romance for the Rest of Us workshop, and in my personal couples and one-on-one coaching, I get the great honor of making the fine art of romance easy!

Making romance easy, surprisingly enough, has very little to do with being a man or a woman, or being single or married or straight or gay or queer or trans, for that matter. Romance, as you’re about to discover, isn’t even about chocolate or pearl necklaces or roses or cupids shooting arrows at us.

Romance, believe it or not, is all about cats and dogs…

READ THE ENTIRE ARTICLE.

5 Reasons Why Dogs Think Letting You Pick the Restaurant is Romantic

You’ve got to read the Romance Is For Cats and Dogs article to understand this, btw. Enjoy!

1. Dogs want you to pick because we want you to be happy with the food. (We’re not sure what food you’ll be in the mood for come date time, so asking you to pick makes sense.)
2. Dogs don’t usually care what we eat. Deferring to you and your tastes in the moment make us happier and more at ease ‘cause we want you to have the food and ambiance you’re actually craving now!
3. Dogs tend not to think about things “in advance,” but, rather, are very “now” oriented. When it comes to picking a place in advance versus picking it when comes time to go out on our date, doing it closer to the date makes more sense.
4. Dogs are just happy to be spending time with you anywhere. To us, that you’re spending time with us at all is really all we need. That you’re spending time with us at all means that we must be doing something right. If we weren’t, you wouldn’t be with us.
5. Dogs crave being told, “good dog,” and we don’t want to pick the wrong restaurant or presume that we can read your mind so deferring to you in the moment seems the best way for us to do a good job meeting your needs.

See where Reid will be next…

Give Cupid a Hug from Me!

For those of you around the world who might be participating or considering attending an upcoming Valentine’s Cuddle Party (I’ve got a Singles Only CP happening in Times Square, NYC, on Feb 13th), I thought I would jump over to the Cuddle Party website at CuddleParty.com and dig through their articles section. I found this piece that I penned waaaaaay back in 2004, which, I am proud to say, still holds up!

Snuggle on!

More Spoon For Your Buck: How to Make the Most of your Cuddle Party Experience

by Reid Mihalko, the Warren Buffett of Snuggling

Okay, you’ve heard or read about Cuddle Parties enough times that you’ve finally checked out the website, said to yourself in your best skeptical voice, “Hmmmm, seems harmless enough… Three hours of massage, spooning, and conversation sounds pretty okay.” Then your boss calls up and yells at you for ten minutes, after which the idea of cuddling a bunch of strangers sounds like heaven. In a moment of hug-fest-crave induced courage, you email your RSVP to the next Cuddle Party, and now you’re thinking, “What the heck do I do now? How do I make the most of all this?”

Well, I’m glad you asked, because here’s the 411 on getting the most spoon for your buck!

Here are our top ten tips on how to get the most out of a Cuddle Party:

10. Even if you’re feeling a tad nervous, participate in the Welcome Circle’s Hug Exercise and the now-world-famous Cow Exercise….

READ THE REST OF THE ARTICLE

Valentine’s Tricks To Rock Your Partner’s Love Languages

In 1992, a marriage counselor and pastor in North Carolina, Dr. Gary Chapman, wrote a book called The 5 Love Languages. Whatever your views on Christianity, this is one of the most useful books on relationships I’ve yet to read, and I recommend it to anyone and everyone.

In honor of Cupid slinging his arrows in your direction this February, here is a super useful exercise of mine that I invite you to try with the loved ones in your linfe.

Happy St. Valentine’s Day…

1. Find out what  you and your partner’s Love Languages are – Take the quiz!
2. Come up with, plan and execute three things this Valentine’s Day that will be Love Language “home-runs” for the special people in your life. What I mean by “home-run” is that you surprise attempts to hit two or three of their preferred Love Languages for receiving/feeling loved in one task or act:

Receiving Gifts: Buy them a copy of Earning Your BLACKBELT in Relationship or a gift that you two can watch or do together (Bonus points for hitting Quality Time needs along with Receiving Gifts, btw!).

Words of Acknowledgement/Affirmation: Buy someone you care about a Valentine’s Day Card and write your own “top 5 reasons I love you” list inside. Then hide it in the fridge, in their car or jacket pocket – somewhere where they’re sure to find it. (Bonus points if they also love receiving gifts and you include a little something that they like along with the card!)

Quality Time: Make a date with your partner and leave all your electronic doohickeys and theirs at home -cell phone, laptop, iPod, etc.- and just go for a long walk somewhere, holding hands, and asking them about their day, etc. Or go ice skating or something interactive like a couples massage workshop. Don’t go to a movie. (Bonus points if Touch is one of their other top Love Languages!)

Acts of Service: Do something for your partner that you know they really need done and don’t have time to do themselves. Get the oil changed in their car before you hide that Valentine’s Day Card in it. Hire a maid to clean their house while you two go ice skating. You get the picture.

Giving/Receiving Touch: Look at the suggestions above and come up with a surprise that incorporates touch into one or two more of your partner’s Love Languages for receiving love!

Good luck with your Love Language home-runs! Let me know how they go for you, too!
~REiD

by Reid Mihalko

Romance makes things better.

It’s true. Even if you hate Hollywood romance films, heart-covered Hallmark cards, chocolate roses, and want to kick Cupid in the shin, no matter how much you hate Valentine’s Day, long walks on beaches, or eye-gazing, it’s hard to argue that the warm fuzzies we get when someone strikes our romance chords are bad.

In fact, that sweet, gooey release of the romantic “feel-goods” is great for your health, both body and mind.

You might be surprised to know, that most of what makes romance feel so darn good is chemical. I’m not talking about the chemistry of a shared bottle of Two-Buck Chuck wine. I’m referring to the release of immune system bolstering, social bond-reinforcing, stress reducing hormones.

These all-natural, body-produced hormonal cocktails are the exact same stuff that puts the “mad” into “madly in love,” and by mad I mean “crazy.” The brain-chemistry of love, by the way, has been extensively researched and continues to be. It’s fascinating stuff. And while you might hate it when your best friend falls head-over-heels for Mr. or Ms. So-and-so causing them to forget all about you, there are many health benefits from all these hormones swirling around in your body and brain. With romance, it’s much of the same chemistry, just in smaller doses. Think of it as Love Potion #9 Lite: Tastes great, less crazy making! And for those of us already in love, or in relationships that have outlasted their honeymoon periods, romance is a great way of delivering an extra (sometimes much needed) shot or two of the warm fuzzies.

Photo Illustration by Ann Cutting for Time Magazine

Romantic interludes and thoughtful acts can trigger the release of feel-good hormones which are outstanding for our physical and mental health. An intimate cuddle on the couch or a shared bit of dark chocolate after a romantic dinner can seduce the body into releasing hormones like oxytocin (the cuddle hormone) and phenylethylamine (released by the brain during orgasm and also found in chocolate). These hormones lower blood pressure, improve immune system performance, and inhibit the release of stress inducing hormones while also psychologically promoting a deeper sense of trust, and feelings of being understood and appreciated. These physiological and psychological effects can be a huge help after a hard day at work trying to meet a deadline, a rough day tending to sick children, dealing with financial difficulties and economic pressures, etc., etc. Romance can leave us feeling less alone in the world, more relaxed and calm, and feeling better about ourselves. In short, a little romance can go a looooong way towards getting us through a cold winter. (Or any season for that matter!)

The trouble with tradition…

Unfortunately, for many of us, the cultural stereotypes for what is romantic and acceptable aren’t always clear nor do they always work. It seems, that even when it comes to romance, everyone is unique and what worked on your ex doesn’t always leave your current partner feeling loved and cherished. Then there’s the fact that Hollywood seems pretty stuck on romance being a guy/girl thang that has the chocolate-covered strawberries rolling in only one direction: man to woman.

What about romancing the dude? And what if you’re allergic to strawberries?

The fact that America’s romantic traditions and symbols are so very gendered and unidirectional can be a big pain in the ass. If the traditional go-tos like roses and a card don’t get you all gushy, your partner might soon run out of other ideas and give up. Worse, you or they could be thinking you’re doing “romantic” things with the most earnest of intentions, doing a great job, but continually missing the mark and leaving those you care about starving. And attempting to sweet-talk the non-traditional gender seems so laughable by our cultural standards that  women romancing men and men romancing men are the things of sit coms and Comedy Central sketches about prison.  Bubba, you made me a shiv? How romantic… While occasionally funny and usually at least a tad insensitive, the cultural message is bleak: Do not waste your time romancing men ’cause it doesn’t work.

These traditions are just a partial list, hints and clues, really. And romance, like Angelina Jolie, goes both ways.

A diamond ring is not inherently romantic, and even the most stoic of men can have a soft-spot. And while we can argue that dark chocolate might be romantic on account of the phenylethylamine, or that Dick Cheney would never be caught dead taking a long walk on the beach, the point is that almost anything can be made to be romantic and anyone can be romanced, if you know how romance occurs for the other person.

And, for the record, men are actually quite easy to romance!

Romance is actually all about cats and dogs.

In my Romance for the Rest of Us workshop, and in my personal couples and one-on-one coaching, I get the great honor of making the fine art of romance easy!

Making romance easy, surprisingly enough, has very little to do with being a man or a woman, or being single or married or straight or gay or queer or trans, for that matter. Romance, as you’re about to discover, isn’t even about chocolate or pearl necklaces or roses or cupids shooting arrows at us.

Romance, believe it or not, is all about cats and dogs. Not whether or not you own a cat or a dog, but where on the spectrum of catness-to-dogness you fall when it comes to how romance occurs to you. Romance, I posit is an orientation! Thinking of romance like it’s a Kinsey Scale of what makes us feel loved and appreciated, if you will, is the key to understanding how to make romance easy.

Romantically speaking, “cat oriented” people tend to feel warm and fuzzy when they have proof someone is thinking of them. “Dog oriented” people tend to feel gushy and sweet when they get told, “good dog!” Forethought and acknowledgment: cats and dogs. End of lesson 1.

Compared to Hollywood’s version of romance, forethought and acknowledgment seem very different from the glittery Edward in Twilight expressing his emo-vampire love for Bella by refusing to suck her veins dry. Anything emotionally torturous and/or fits of self-denial labeled as romance should be avoided at all costs because that kind of “romantic” is usually followed by the word “tragedy.”

Anything emotionally torturous and/or fits of self-denial labeled as romance should be avoided at all costs because that kind of “romantic” is usually followed by the word “tragedy.”

My approach to romance is waaaaay more fun. It might take a second to get the hang of it, but that’s only because you’re probably fighting years of bad romance habits. Making someone feel romanced is actually quite simple and its applicable to most people, though I’m not entirely sure how it works on pubescent werewolves… My guess? Romance werewolves like you would dogs and not cats. (Does that put vampires on the cat-side of the spectrum? Hmmmm…)

Romance for “cats” is anything that you can do which proves you were thinking about that person before they walked in the door. Its forethought at is most simple, and has a great chance of occurring to these cat people as being romantic. Knowing and having proof that you were thinking of them when they weren’t standing right in front of you gives them the warm fuzzies.

What is romantic for “dogs” is having their likes and dislikes validated. Being told “bad dog,” or being scolded or made to feel like the things they like are wrong or silly isn’t very romantic for a dog. Appreciation and acknowledgment are what makes a romantically oriented dog person rollover and want their belly scratched.

And who doesn’t like a good case of the warm fuzzies and a belly scratch now and then?

Once you’ve got the basic concept down, it helps to remember that the catness-to-dogness system is a continuum. You can be more cat or more dog, entirely all cat or all dog, or 50/50 cat/dog when it comes to what makes you feel romanced. There’s no right way or wrong way. And one orientation or degree of preference isn’t any better than the other. It’s just a helpful approach to figuring out what makes your loved ones feel loved.

And for you binary-hater types who want to nail me to the box of chocolates for only talking about cats and dogs, I’m sure there are more than a few people out there for whom romance occurs on a vastly different continuum. To all my brother and sister otters and parrots and Pandas and unicorns, et al: I’m not trying to exclude you. I’m just trying to keep it simple for the folks at home!

Back to cats and dogs and how we make this knowledge work to our advantage…

Make the dinner reservations now.

We’ve got a date. You picked a restaurant and called ahead and made the reservation without me having to tell you or remind you. That equals in my cat-mind: “You must have been thinking of me.” You just scored yourself some major romance points.

To cover my bases, just in case it’s a dog oriented person I’m dating, I’m going to… Acknowledge you for kicking-ass in making those dinner reservations!

Whether I have a need to acknowledge you or not, it’s still an excellent thing for me to tell you how much I appreciate your thoughtfulness and how awesome a job you’re doing in our relationship (Good dog!). For the dogs in your life, you just made them super-duper happy. Woof!

To review: what occurs as romantic to a dog is acknowledgment and validation. Anything that says, “I approve of you, your likes and life. I validate that you’re a good person. Good dog!” What occurs as romantic to a cat is anything that proves you were thinking of them before they walked into the room.

To review: what occurs as romantic to a dog is acknowledgment and validation…. What occurs as romantic to a cat is anything that proves you were thinking of them before they walked into the room.

Just so you know, I’m a total dog, and I actually teach people in my life to say to me, “Reid, I approve of you, your likes and life. I validate that you’re a good person. Good dog, Reid!” Really. No lie. And, as silly as it sounds, it makes me feel friggin’ great even when I know they’re just saying it to me because I asked. Why does it work? Because I’m such a dog!

For those of you who are dogs in relationships with dogs or cats in relationships with cats, or variations of each, the same rules apply and nearly always work. Try ‘em!

Ways you can remind yourself to be more romantic…

Because this is not necessarily how we were taught to behave when it comes to romance, here are a few tips you can use towards implementing and integrating this knowledge.

For you cats reading this: Use your computer calendar to send yourself reminders like, “Tell them what a good dog they are today.” You get to let them know that you’re thinking about them -something that occurs to you naturally- and we dogs get the scratch behind the ear that we need so badly.

So, for us dogs, for those of us who when it comes to roses and chocolate, tend to “romance in the now” and not be thinking from forethought, what we can do is rather simple…

Write “Book those dinner reservations NOW!” on a post it and stick it to your fridge, computer screen or forehead. When ever you schedule a date, immediately pick a restaurant, call ‘em up, and reserve the table. Eating in tonight? Pick a menu and order the food before your sweetie walks through the door.

Cats people do the “make the reservations immediately” kind of thing almost naturally. If they don’t do it right then, they’ll remember to do it later ’cause… Well, because cats tend to think a lot about details and stuff. If you’re a dog like I’m a dog, I think a lot in the moment about whatever it is I’m focusing on, but should a squirrel or some other distracting thought scurry by -Whosh!- I’m off chasing what’s next, often forgetting to come back to take care of the dinner reservation bit. Hence my need for reminder post-its and the advantage of making those reservations immediately! Dogs -if you make this a habit- will have scored big romance points which you get to cash in for acknowledgments and belly scratches.

Booking reservations asap has done wonders for my love life.

I’m very much a dog and it definitely doesn’t occur to me naturally to make dinner reservations. What does occur to me, though, are all the details and thoughts about what need to happen before our date… Most of these kinds of detailed thoughts occur in one blast, usually right after I make the date with my sweetie, I used to put into the “can wait till later” category. I mean, the restaurant isn’t going anywhere, right, and I’ve got other things to do. However, all that got me was grief because I would always defer to my partner on where they wanted to eat, which, since I tend to date cats, wasn’t very romantic.

What I’ve trained myself to do, instead, is to not wait when stuff does occur to me in the moment. I make a date and I make a list of to dos that occur to me right then and there, and then I check off as many of those to do boxes as I can, as soon as I can. Why? Because that basically equals forethought to a cat!

It’s genius, I tell you.

If I ask you out on a date and you say yes and I immediately book a dinner reservation, order flowers (or that power drill you’ve been talking about!), and put a reminder on my calendar for it to email me the three other things I need to handle two days before our date… Well, what occurs to me as being proactive and clever (I can get a way better table at the restaurant booking the reservation ahead of time instead of waiting till the last minute) stands a great chance of reinforcing for my date that I’m a romantic pure breed!

My partner, especially when they’re feeling all warm and fuzzy because I totally struck their romance chord, knows to acknowledge me and tell me what a good dog. That makes me feel warm and appreciated, and we’re both flooded with romantic feelings and notions…

Even though the way romance occurs to us may be completely difference, we’ve managed to get those hormones flooding our systems. Now we’re feeling closer and more connected than ever, and, suddenly, everybody wins.

Romance does make things better after all!

So, to sum up my advice:

1. Figure out if you’re a cat or a dog when it comes to romance.
2. Figure out if what your partner’s orientation to romance is.
3. When in doubt: Always make the reservation in advance AND tell them what a wonderful job they’re doing in your world.

Happy romancing!

Your neighborhood sex and relationship cupid,
REiD

© 2010 Reid Mihalko, all rights reserved

Never before has upgrading your relationship skills and improving your intimacy mojo been this fun and enlightening!

Learn the secret techniques that make Reid Mihalko and Kamala Devi “relationship ninjas” for just $19.95 plus s/h!

That’s right, just under twenty-bucks gets you a DVD full of humor and deep learning!

Whether you are a white belt in love or a bedroom ninja with amazing, heartfelt skills, this educational, humorous, sometimes irreverent (but always insightful) DVD from relationship masters Reid and Kamala is for you! Who doesn’t want to learn how to struggle less in your relationships, love more deeply, and have fun while doing it? Order your copy today!

Reviews of the DVD…

A 5.0 out of 5 stars, Amazon review of Earning Your BLACKBELT in Relationships:
An authentic, funny and practical examination of a healthy alternative to monogamy…
December 16, 2009
By Joyful Body Mind Spirit (San Diego, CA)

I’m a self-help junkie and that extends to podcasts and DVDs. I want to be the best person I can be. Lately I’ve been learning a lot about relationships and how to make them work, as well as my role in said relationships. This DVD offers a fresh, honest and out-of-the ordinary look at how to master romantic partnerships.

But wait, this isn’t just your regular feel-good collection of mumbo-jumbo marriage therapy diced and sliced into bites of information. Rather, this DVD explores real-world issues in a way you’ve probably never considered. Or if you have, you might have felt bad about it or thought you were alone. While Earning Your Black Belt in Relationships focuses mainly on how to make polyamorous–or “open”–relationships work, the ideas presented are excellent tools for any relationship. Even single people can take the ideas and apply them to their lives. The best viewer for this DVD isn’t someone who’s solely interested or labeled as polyamorous, but rather someone who is tired of making the same mistakes and wants to delve into different ways of thinking and being that actually work.

Sex and relationship coaches Kamala Devi and Reid Mihalko share tools and tricks to successfully sustaining multiple open relationships. That’s right, more than one. And guess what? If you can’t get one right, it’s not likely you’ll be able to get more than one right. So start small and blossom as your communication and awareness skills grow.

There are 10 chapters in this DVD, and the “lessons” spell out BLACKBELTS, which also echoes a fun ninja theme (it’s subtle, but clever). Mihalko and Devi explore the lessons in detail after you watch intriguing, real-life footage about the topic from people who live it. And no, not everyone is labeled as strictly polyamorous. One person is single and “poly-curious.” Another is monogamous but open-minded. Each topic ends with an exercise or “mission” to help anchor the ideas presented. Here’s a peek into the chapters:

1. Be Real: learn to be transparent – This chapter stresses how important it is to know who you are and what you really need. This is easier said than done, as many people live in a fog much of their lives. So before you do anything, get in touch with your authentic self.

2. Labels and Lovestyles: define your own terms – Figure out what works for you in relationship. Be specific and know that there are many different “fits” or “configurations.” You may even choose to not label yourself, but know that you still need to be able to communicate your needs, and words might be necessary.

3. Agreements and Boundaries: authentic negotiations – This chapter explores the importance of setting clear agreements and boundaries. Communication and transparency are the keywords here. When you know what works for you and you ask for what you need to feel safe, you create more freedom. These can evolve over time. The “mission” here is to determine what your bottom line is.

4. Clear Communication: express yourself fully – Without clear communication, you are not going to make it. If you like to withhold information or if you are unable to listen to and hear your partner, you have work to do. Develop your ability to speak your truth and hear your partner. Say what’s not being said.

5. Know your needs: and how to get them met – This chapter talks about “needs work,” which is pretty deep emotional work. You are in charge of your own needs. Be aware of what your needs are and meet them in a healthy way–needs aren’t bad. Use the communication skills you learned in previous chapters.

6. Break-ups and Transitions: let go with grace – Change is inevitable and break-ups aren’t necessarily bad. Longevity is a “horrible metric with which to measure the quality of a relationship.” Relationships are organic and seasonal. Be realistic about what’s healthy.

7. Emotions are Welcome: honor your feelings – Believe it or not, it is all right to feel whatever it is you are feeling. Be willing to express yourself and be willing to hold space for your partnerships. Emotions are meant to be felt. You can raise your emotional intelligence and apply it to your relationships.

8. Learning Curve: give yourself room to grow – This chapter normalizes the time it takes to get things “right.” Be gentle with yourself and see relationships as growth opportunities. Don’t try to be perfect. Expect breakdowns and work with them. Welcome the learning curve, learn and apply the lessons.

9. Takes a Tribe: creating alternative community – Surround yourself with support, community or tribe. Don’t isolate yourself. This can be online, a potluck, church, whatever works for you.

10. Sex and Spirituality: honoring your lovers and self – Approach your relationships with a sacredness and respect, regardless of whether or not it’s “mystical.” Elevate it to a higher co-creation. Be free from guilt, shame and fear.

Devi and Mihalko are real and engaging, and their down-to-earth rapport is charming. While the camera work is a little shaky at times, the content is so strong and the advice so compelling, it’s easy to forgive. Get ready to open your mind and your heart with this entertaining, educational and endearing DVD.

Order now! Just $19.95 plus s/h!

The dating and relationship scene across the country is tangled up in outdated models, mixed messages and “solutions” that aren’t working. What’s worse is, for men AND women, New York City is the simultaneously the best and the worst place on Earth to date! Heck, even the successful relationships around us are failing… Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins!?!

What is it we’re all missing?…

Join world renowned sex and relationship expert Reid Mihalko as he sits down with spiritual counselor and teacher Paula Tursi for 90-minutes of discussion & conversation on how to reframe your experience and enlighten your quest for your perfect someone. Learn how  your search for a mate is really a journey  for your own self discovery.

Over the course of this insightful, comedic (and occasionally irreverent) evening, we will discuss:

• What is that ineffable “thing” is that makes relationships work and why so many of us miss seeing it!
• What if your mate wasn’t suppose to be your perfect lover, best friend, etc., but -instead- is your mirror for growth?
• How dating is really a beautiful lesson in how to live consciously, how to heal your own inner demons, and transform your life (Even during the times it feels like hell).
• Ways to look beyond the “they’re dreamy” Illusion or “Fantasy Loop” you keep getting stuck in and how to see what your no-bullshit truth is!

Are you frustrated by how much time you’ve spent on dating websites and botched, online dates, or bad relationships?

Sit with them as Reid asks and answers some of the hard questions about how we can find spirituality on our quest for Other. Hear Paula’s up front answers in sharing her own experience as she tells what worked and what didn’t and how it brought her closer to her inner light and to a real place of love and compassion instead of inadequacy and bitterness. Then join them for Q&A that just might change your relationship life!

After the workshop, join us for a social, wine meetup where you can mix and mingle  with other like-minded, single men and women whom would also like to get real about relationship.  Expand your mind while expanding your social network!

Whether you’re a man or a woman, married umpteen times, separated, recently divorced or never- been-kissed… Whether you’re just thinking about entering the online dating pool or you’ve been a member of Match.com for so long you should have been given stock options…

This workshop is for anyone who is confused and frustrated and not getting the results they want when it comes to the world of relationships in New York City and beyond!

Call Reflections Yoga to reserve your tickets before this evening sells out!
(212) 974.2288

DATE: Saturday, Feb 13th
WHEN: Talk – 7-8:30pm, Mixer – 9pm-Midnite
WHERE: Reflections Yoga in Times Square, 250 West 49 Street, 2nd Floor (Between 8th Ave. and Broadway), New York, NY 10019

COST:

Day-of ticket prices at the door…

• $20 for Talk Only
• $40 to attend both the Talk and Wine Mixer

Save on GROUP DISCOUNTS with advanced tickets…

• $35 each for You and a Friend for the Entire Evening
• $30 each for the Entire Evening when you buy 3 or more tickets!

Other Reid Valentine’s related workshops…
Feb 12th – Romance for the Jaded New Yorker and the Newly In Love!
Feb 13th - Single’s Only Cuddle Party
Feb 13th – Dating: The Reality and the Illusion… (And the Wine Tasting Meet Up, too!)
Feb 14th – Iron Slut Sex Educator Showdown Slams Providence, RI!
Feb 17th – The Ins and Outs of Hand-Sex with Amy Jo Goddard

ABOUT PAULA: Paula Tursi is the Founder and Director of Reflections Yoga and the Reflections Yoga Teacher Training Program. She has been working with alternative healing practices for over twenty years. She specializes in the combination of yoga, breath therapy and meditation. She uses these techniques in her class and private coaching sessions, giving her students tools to cope with the challenges of daily life. Paula holds yoga retreats and teacher trainings world wide, where she teaching movement awareness techniques mixed with the yoga to create a clear connection of the mind and body.

Paula’s work focuses on the connection of mind and body, understanding that we move not only from our muscles and joints, but from the understanding of ourselves and how we relate to the world. Movement or asana can start from the inner or outer body, however, movement initiated from the inner body can be an expression of locked memories in the mind that have been patterned over time.

Paula holds a Masters degree in Psychology from Columbia University and a Masters degree in Education from Hunter College. She did her clinical post-graduate training at the Milton H. Erickson Society for Psychotherapy and Hypnosis. She teaches classes, holds corporate workshops and offers individual instruction in breath awareness, partner yoga and spiritual coaching.

ABOUT REID: Reid Mihalko of www.ReidAboutSex.com helps people create more self-esteem and greater health in their relationship and sex lives, no matter what their self-expression of those happen to be.

Reid has worked with thousands of individuals from myriad walks of life, orientations, relationship styles, countries and religions. Known for his charisma, wit and emphasis on integrity, Reid travels the country teaching, coaching, consulting and collaborating. He has been a writer and producer on a number of films and television projects about sex and relationships, and appears regularly in the media.

Reid has been a featured speaker at dozens of conferences on relationships and sexuality. He has also appeared on the Emmy award-winning talk show Montel, Fox News, VH1’s Scott Baio is 45 and Single, Showtime’s Penn & Teller’s Bulls**t!, Canada’s The Sex Files and SexTV, and the short-lived Life & Style, on NPR, Sirius’ Maxim Radio and Cosmo Radio, and in Marie Claire, GQ, Details, People, Newsweek and The National Enquirer, as well as media across the globe in thirteen countries and at least seven languages.

No date for Valentine’s Day? No problemo!

Come meet Cuddle Party creator Reid Mihalko and as well as a whole bunch of amazing, single New Yorkers in one of our biggest Cuddle Party events of the year.

More than 10,000 women and men in cities all across America have show up and were delighted with their experience…

What will you learn?
Who will you meet!
How big will your smile be?

• Take the sting out of Cupid’s arrow
• Expand your social network
• Have some fun
• Learn and practice how to say No and not feel guilty
• Practice changing you mind – a valuable future skill for when you’re stuck in the middle of your next bad date!

Cuddling isn’t mandatory EVER at a Cuddle Party,
but being single for this event IS…

EARLY-BIRD SAVINGS and GROUP DISCOUNTS avail while they last, so order your tickets for by FEB 1st and SAVE!!

“Your first Cuddle Party was like finding some long-lost love medicine among the culturally accepted remedies that generally promote unhealthy attitudes…”
~Elaine, New York City

Read More Testimonials

Join Reid Mihalko for this playful communication workshop guranteed to take the sting out of Cupid’s arrow! Who knows, you might even meet someone! Seriously, tell everyone and come escape from the cold for a snuggl-o-licious time with a bunch of other cuddly singles!

DATE: Saturday, February 13th, 2010
TIME: 2:30-6pm EST
LOCATION: Reflections Yoga in Times Square
250 West 49th Street, 2nd floor, Times Square 10019

For more info about Cuddle Party, please go to www.cuddleparty.com

ABOUT REID: Reid Mihalko, co-creator of Cuddle Party, helps people create more self-esteem and greater health in their relationship and sex lives, no matter what their self-expression of those happen to be or where their interests lie. Reid has worked with thousands of individuals from myriad walks of life, orientations, relationship styles, countries and religions. Known for his charisma, wit and emphasis on integrity, Reid travels the country teaching, coaching, consulting and collaborating. He has been a writer and producer on a number of film and television projects about sex and relationships, and appears regularly in the media. Reid has been a featured speaker at dozens of conferences on relationships and sexuality. He has also appeared on the Emmy award-winning talk show Montel, Fox News, VH1’s Scott Baio is 45 and Single, Showtime’s Penn & Teller’s Bulls**t!, Canada’s The Sex Files and SexTV, and the short-lived Life & Style, on NPR, Sirius’ Maxim Radio and Cosmo Radio, and in Marie Claire, GQ, People, Newsweek and The National Enquirer, as well as media across the globe in thirteen countries and at least seven languages.

Let Reid help you make Valentine’s Day suck a lot less this year, and maybe forever!

You’re a New Yorker. You live in one of the greatest, most diverse metropolitan areas on the face of the planet. You are surrounded by millions of people every day… And yet, there’s a decent chance you fall into one of two categories:

• Valentine’s Day in NYC either makes you want to jump off a bridge or has you skipping down the subway stairs at Rush Hour!
• You’re still dating online (and it feels like the Spanish Inquisition) or you’re newly in love (and boinking each other’s brains out every chance)!
• The sight of a dozen roses inspires violent thoughts or it reminds you of your loved one’s fragrant breath…

Whether you’re a jaded New Yorker and Feb 14th has you throwing up a little in your mouth, or you’re newly in love and scrambling to Victoria Secrets for something pink, many of us can’t easily explain what “being romantic” actually is.

We know it when someone is romantic to us. We know we score big points when we’re romantic to someone else. However, teaching someone how to be romantic or how best to romance us is way more complicated than exchanging cards and a teddy bears once a year. Let’s face it: for a relationship to last more than one date, let alone 20-years, Hallmark and Hollywood suck at giving us blackbelt level skills.

Because so many of us fail when it comes to romance or finding someone who’s “romantic enough,” our dating lives and relationships fall short. For the “freshly in love,” the endorphins and warm fuzzies of new relationships have a shelf-life and, once the honeymoon period fades, most can’t keep the romance alive.

How can you tell if someone is good at romance from one date and if they’ll continue to be romantic a year from now? Can you teach an old dog new tricks? Is long-term romance even possible? How can you use romance to strengthen your relationships with others and even with one’s self?

Join sex and relationship educator Reid Mihalko for a playful (and illuminating) two hours of discussion, exercises, and romance just in time for Valentine’s!

Together, we’ll break down and answer such vexing questions as…

• What the hell does she mean when she says, ‘Be more romantic?’
• How can I tell when someone is a romantic looser and what do I do about it?
• What’s the best way to romance a man?
• What are the sure-fire ways to romance a woman?
• How can I make my partner be more romantic?
• What do we do when the flame begins to fade?
• And… Oh god, what am I going to do for Valentine’s Day?!

Whether you’re currently single or celebrating your Gold Anniversary, this workshop is for you! Whatever your orientation, age, cultural background, or experience level, if you’re having problems with dating or the relationship you’re already in… If you need some last minute ideas for Valentine’s Day, or want to bring more passion, tenderness or mystique into your relationships as a daily practice… If you’ve never been to a workshop before or you’re a complete junkie, this entertaining and informative experience will leave you laughing and inspired.

Bring a date, bring a friend, and arm yourself with tools, tips, and tricks to make your entire life more romantic!

DATE: Friday, Feb 12, 2010
TIME: 7pm-9pm
PLACE: Times Square’s Reflections Yoga, 250 West 49th Street, 2nd Floor, Times Square, New York

Group Rates and Cupid’s Early-Bird Discounts available… Save BIG when you pre-pay!

Other upcoming Reid Valentine’s Worshops…

Feb 13th - Single’s Only Cuddle Party
Feb 13th – Dating: The Reality and the Illusion… (And the Wine Tasting Meet Up, too!)
Feb 14th – Iron Slut Sex Educator Showdown Slams Providence, RI!
Feb 17th – The Ins and Outs of Hand-Sex with Amy Jo Goddard

Questions? Email Reid at reid@reidaboutsex.com

ABOUT REID: Reid Mihalko helps people create more self-esteem and greater health in their relationship and sex lives, no matter what their self-expression of those happen to be or where their interests lie.

Reid has worked with thousands of individuals from myriad walks of life, orientations, relationship styles, countries and religions. Known for his charisma, wit and emphasis on integrity, Reid travels the country teaching, coaching, consulting and collaborating. He has been a writer and producer on a number of film and television projects about sex and relationships, and appears regularly in the media.

Reid has been a featured speaker at dozens of conferences on relationships and sexuality. He has also appeared on the Emmy award-winning talk show Montel, Fox News, VH1’s Scott Baio is 45 and Single, Showtime’s Penn & Teller’s Bulls**t!, Canada’s The Sex Files and SexTV, and the short-lived Life & Style, on NPR, Sirius’ Maxim Radio and Cosmo Radio, and in Marie Claire, GQ, People, Newsweek and The National Enquirer, as well as media across the globe in thirteen countries and at least seven languages.

Discover the ten relationship lessons hidden within the acronym B.L.A.C.K.B.E.L.T. while meeting the masters, Reid and Kamala in person!

Kick-off 2010 by joining world renowned sex educators and relationship “black belts” Kamala Devi and Reid Mihalko in San Diego as they celebrate the launch of their newest and most powerful educational DVD yet: Earning Your Black Belt in Relationships!

Who knew upgrading your relationship skills, improving your intimacy mojo, and meeting fabulous people could be this fun and enlightening?

Mingle and connect with a bevy of like-minded, amazing and exciting people. Meet and ask questions of the Pros. Watch a bit of the DVD, and get your very own copy of the full DVD to take home with you!

DATE: Saturday, January 30th, 2010
TIME: 6:45pm to 10:30pm
LOCATION: San Diego, CA – Address and Directions upon Registration

All for a low, $19.95 admission!

That’s right, just under twenty-bucks gets you into this not-to-be-missed, gala event full of humor and deep learning, just like the DVD!

Whether you are a white belt in love or a bedroom ninja with amazing, heartfelt skills, this launch party is for you! Bring your friends and lovers, walk home with a DVD of your own, and help Reid and Kamala celebrate their newest offering! Learn how to struggle less in your relationships, love more deeply, and have fun while doing it!

A 5.0 out of 5 stars, Amazon review of Earning Your BLACKBELT in Relationships:

An authentic, funny and practical examination of a healthy alternative to monogamy…

December 16, 2009
By Joyful Body Mind Spirit (San Diego, CA)

I’m a self-help junkie and that extends to podcasts and DVDs. I want to be the best person I can be. Lately I’ve been learning a lot about relationships and how to make them work, as well as my role in said relationships. This DVD offers a fresh, honest and out-of-the ordinary look at how to master romantic partnerships.

But wait, this isn’t just your regular feel-good collection of mumbo-jumbo marriage therapy diced and sliced into bites of information. Rather, this DVD explores real-world issues in a way you’ve probably never considered. Or if you have, you might have felt bad about it or thought you were alone. While Earning Your Black Belt in Relationships focuses mainly on how to make polyamorous–or “open”–relationships work, the ideas presented are excellent tools for any relationship. Even single people can take the ideas and apply them to their lives. The best viewer for this DVD isn’t someone who’s solely interested or labeled as polyamorous, but rather someone who is tired of making the same mistakes and wants to delve into different ways of thinking and being that actually work.

Sex and relationship coaches Kamala Devi and Reid Mihalko share tools and tricks to successfully sustaining multiple open relationships. That’s right, more than one. And guess what? If you can’t get one right, it’s not likely you’ll be able to get more than one right. So start small and blossom as your communication and awareness skills grow.

There are 10 chapters in this DVD, and the “lessons” spell out BLACKBELTS, which also echoes a fun ninja theme (it’s subtle, but clever). Mihalko and Devi explore the lessons in detail after you watch intriguing, real-life footage about the topic from people who live it. And no, not everyone is labeled as strictly polyamorous. One person is single and “poly-curious.” Another is monogamous but open-minded. Each topic ends with an exercise or “mission” to help anchor the ideas presented. Here’s a peek into the chapters:

1. Be Real: learn to be transparent – This chapter stresses how important it is to know who you are and what you really need. This is easier said than done, as many people live in a fog much of their lives. So before you do anything, get in touch with your authentic self.

2. Labels and Lovestyles: define your own terms – Figure out what works for you in relationship. Be specific and know that there are many different “fits” or “configurations.” You may even choose to not label yourself, but know that you still need to be able to communicate your needs, and words might be necessary.

3. Agreements and Boundaries: authentic negotiations – This chapter explores the importance of setting clear agreements and boundaries. Communication and transparency are the keywords here. When you know what works for you and you ask for what you need to feel safe, you create more freedom. These can evolve over time. The “mission” here is to determine what your bottom line is.

4. Clear Communication: express yourself fully – Without clear communication, you are not going to make it. If you like to withhold information or if you are unable to listen to and hear your partner, you have work to do. Develop your ability to speak your truth and hear your partner. Say what’s not being said.

5. Know your needs: and how to get them met – This chapter talks about “needs work,” which is pretty deep emotional work. You are in charge of your own needs. Be aware of what your needs are and meet them in a healthy way–needs aren’t bad. Use the communication skills you learned in previous chapters.

6. Break-ups and Transitions: let go with grace – Change is inevitable and break-ups aren’t necessarily bad. Longevity is a “horrible metric with which to measure the quality of a relationship.” Relationships are organic and seasonal. Be realistic about what’s healthy.

7. Emotions are Welcome: honor your feelings – Believe it or not, it is all right to feel whatever it is you are feeling. Be willing to express yourself and be willing to hold space for your partnerships. Emotions are meant to be felt. You can raise your emotional intelligence and apply it to your relationships.

8. Learning Curve: give yourself room to grow – This chapter normalizes the time it takes to get things “right.” Be gentle with yourself and see relationships as growth opportunities. Don’t try to be perfect. Expect breakdowns and work with them. Welcome the learning curve, learn and apply the lessons.

9. Takes a Tribe: creating alternative community – Surround yourself with support, community or tribe. Don’t isolate yourself. This can be online, a potluck, church, whatever works for you.

10. Sex and Spirituality: honoring your lovers and self – Approach your relationships with a sacredness and respect, regardless of whether or not it’s “mystical.” Elevate it to a higher co-creation. Be free from guilt, shame and fear.

Devi and Mihalko are real and engaging, and their down-to-earth rapport is charming. While the camera work is a little shaky at times, the content is so strong and the advice so compelling, it’s easy to forgive. Get ready to open your mind and your heart with this entertaining, educational and endearing DVD.

The Full-Body Kiss workshop:

Great Making Out is More Than Just Using Your Mouth…

Ever liked someone only to discover that they were severly lacking in the kissing department? Worried that you might be one of those “bad kissers” the Cosmo articles talk about? Your lover “almost there” when it comes to kissing, but you’re at a loss for how to upgrade their technique or even talk about it? Perhaps people tell you that you’re a good kisser, but you want to be a GREAT kisser…

Kissing. Macking. Smoooooching. Necking. Snogging.
Lip-Locking. Tonsil Hockey…

Call it what you will, but making out is one of the best appetizers on the menu when it comes to turning a person on. And Full-Body Kissing (the art of using your mouth, lips, tongue, face, hands, arms, hair, shoulders, and legs) can be a main course all to itself, but only if you know how!

Join world renowned sex and relationship educator Reid Mihalko for an entertaining evening of frank, humorous conversations and hot demonstrations on how to take your kissing to the next level! In this 2-hour workshop, complete with demonstrations where all you have to do is watch, take notes, and ask questions, you will learn:

• How to use your entire body to turn any kiss into a Full-Bodied Kiss
• Ways to use pressure, body weight, and sound to enhance you and your partner’s making out
• How NOT to give hickeys!
• Reid’s favorite erogenous zones for surprise smooch attacks!
• Ears, back of the neck, and wrists and how to tease them with your kisses…
• Why French Kissing isn’t the end-all be-all and what lies beyond simple “tongue-macrame”…
• Practical approaches to teaching a lover how to be a better kisser.
• Fingers and forearms and why they’re JUST as important as your lips in making out…
• Plus… Tips on breaking the ice for that anxiety-ridden first kiss and how not to botch it!

Whether you’re focusing on making your date swoon the first time your lips touch or getting your lover breathing heavy and writhing with pleasure on the couch, The Full-Body Kiss workshop is going to upgrade what your mouth and body are capable of. Take your kissing technique beyond 8th grade, and start getting your black belt in making out today!

DATE: Thursday, Nov 5th
TIME: 7-9pm EST
LOCATION: Sexy Spirits
301 W 55 St # 4 301 West 55th Street, Ste. #4
New York City, New York
COST:
$25 online discount per person
$20 per person online discount for twosomes and moresomes
$30 per person at the door

Looking for something fun to do for “date night?” This workshop will definitely give the two of you something to discuss over desert… Heck, maybe you’ll be the desert!

ABOUT REID: Reid Mihalko helps people create more self-esteem and greater health in their relationship and sex lives, no matter what their self-expression of those happen to be or where their interests lie.

Turn your luck around this Friday the 13th by joining world renowned sex and relationship educator Reid Mihalko as he declares Friday, November 13th, National End a Bad Relationship Day!

If you’ve ever had a bad relationship or are currently stuck in one, this hilariously frank and practical 90-minute teleclass, (first held, auspiciously, on the day before Valentine’s 2009, which was a Friday that year), will teach you how to end your bad relationships with panaché…

Learn More HERE!